Shopping without the shopping
The early starts had begun to affect basic tasks. Chris bought two bags of groceries, put the receipt in his wallet and left the supermarket without taking either bag. By the time he returned, the staff had replaced everything on the shelves and he had to do the same shop again.
Scott had suffered his own embarrassment after taking only £10 on a run and spending about £13. The cashier made him return each item he could not afford to its proper place. His celebrity status did not produce a discount or even permission to leave the unwanted products at the till, and he felt like a child being supervised through a lesson.
Katie reports on showbiz
Katie began her first morning as the programme’s showbiz correspondent. She examined Rita Ora removing Zac Efron’s shirt during an awards appearance and questioned what Rita received from a stunt that mainly gave him publicity. Her conclusion was that she probably just enjoyed cutting off his shirt.
The second story concerned Rihanna employing somebody to spray water on her bottom during a shoot. Katie saw no reason to delegate something Rihanna could do herself and suggested squats if she wanted to improve its appearance. Scott enjoyed her resistance to glamour: a job that sounded extraordinary to the showbiz press was, to Katie, a person wasting time spraying water when they could be doing something useful.
Loving the Trolls returns
The show revived Loving the Trolls, feeding hostile comments into the ridiculous computer voice of Lawrence. Insults about radio talent, Chris’s Mila Kunis interview, Scott’s age and their constant promotion of online videos immediately lost their menace when Lawrence read them.
One unusually passionate critic insisted northern France was more interesting than Chris would ever be. Another claimed not to have the internet while complaining about being told to watch Radio 1’s YouTube channel, raising the question of how the comment had been posted. Scott advised listeners to imagine all trolls using Lawrence’s voice even when asking their families for dinner. It made the abuse sound as foolish as the people sending it.
Chris cannot speak Selfie
Dan and Phil’s Radio 1 version of “#Selfie” included far more of Scott and Chris than they had expected. They had been required to mime the spoken vocal in a convincing American accent, and the outtakes revealed repeated attempts to synchronise every word.
Scott tried to teach Chris the line “That’s so ratchet”. Chris’s version changed on every attempt and drifted towards an accent nobody could identify. “Let’s go take some shots” created the same problem. The finished video concealed his real voice, but Scott urged viewers to imagine the sounds he had made while recording it.
Oprah makes Pharrell cry
A video showed Oprah Winfrey playing Pharrell Williams fan-made “Happy” dances from around the world. He became emotional at the song growing into something larger than himself, and Oprah immediately encouraged the moment with precisely chosen words and a waiting box of tissues.
Scott regarded her as the master of turning a small wobble into tears, usually by finding a route towards family. Chris denied that he had been crying while watching, then admitted that tiredness and emotion could make anything more powerful, especially on an aeroplane. The only unsatisfactory part was Scott’s Oprah impression, which sounded rather less like an American broadcasting legend than intended.
Neon Jungle get wet
Shereen Cutkelvin and Asami Zdrenka played Innuendo Bingo while Amira McCarthy and Jess Plummer provided the laughs. Pete Tong introduced “My Balls”, Nick Hewer repeatedly declared his love for beavers and Rev supplied a demand to come through the back entrance.
Curling commentary put somebody on a Canadian’s face, Anna Richardson described a doughnut receiving a good soaking and an estate agent came across rich people all the time. The familiar “Rosie-fingered dawn” returned before a laundrette owner closed an exceptionally wet game. With two members aiming at him and two others enjoying the spectacle, Chris was comprehensively outnumbered.
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