The home of football opens for business
Scott had spent the previous week learning what a pundit did and arrived on Monday ready to turn the afternoon programme into Radio 1’s “home of football”. The actual match, between Nick Grimshaw’s Radio 1 Wanderers and Olly Murs’ side, had taken place after breakfast, but Scott refused to reveal the result until Chris and Grimmy returned from the training ground.
That left the first half of the show hilariously short of football. Scott played enormous trailers promising passion, dedication and unrivalled coverage while talking about service stations, an unusually enthusiastic air steward and a BBC all-staff email chain about holiday toffee.
The contrast was deliberate. Listeners kept congratulating Scott on the depth of his football coverage while he admitted the people who actually knew what had happened were still on a train.
Chris takes the match far too seriously
When the team arrived, it was obvious Chris had approached the day differently from most of his teammates. He had worried about preparation, tried to keep people out of the bar the previous night and delivered a dressing-room speech about passion while Grimmy appeared more interested in enjoying the occasion.
Chris was then told he would start in goal. He attempted to provide commentary while playing and quickly discovered there was no time for the texting and broadcasting tricks he had imagined. Football, he reported with genuine surprise, moved rather quickly.
Robbie Savage had joined the Radio 1 side, while Olly had recruited a much stronger-looking team. Scott replayed the pre-match confidence and Chris’s attempts to rally everybody before finally getting to the goals.
Olly Murs’ team wins 11-1
The first goal went past Chris and the montage did not improve from there. Olly’s side scored again and again until the running total reached 11. Radio 1 eventually managed one consolation goal, producing a celebration wildly out of proportion to the score.
Chris was particularly pleased to have nutmegged an opponent, although Scott needed the term explained. He had also hit the post at one stage and seemed to regard that as evidence the rematch could be competitive.
Olly was diplomatic afterwards, praising the day and telling Scott that for somebody who had not really played football he had shown some good touches. Plans for a December rematch were immediately discussed. Scott responded to the 11-1 defeat by joking that Olly’s records were now banned from Radio 1.
Friday’s accidental takeover gets another airing
Scott also relived the previous Friday, when illness had kept him away and Huw Stephens’ travel problems left Chris unexpectedly presenting alone. Listening from bed had been stressful for Scott because nobody warned him beforehand that Huw was still on a train.
He replayed Chris assuring listeners that everything would be fine, introducing records and gradually taking control. Scott admitted Chris had done well, even if he had spent much of the experience hiding behind a pillow and willing Huw to arrive.
Phil Taggart plays Real or No Real without Dan
Phil Taggart joined Real or No Real without Dan, who was unwell. The football theme carried into the game before Scott eventually emerged with 40 points to Phil’s 20.
After an afternoon of inflated sporting presentation, the result gave Scott the satisfaction of finally winning something. The programme then promised to return to normal on Tuesday, when Eliza Doolittle was due for Innuendo Bingo.
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