Scouse Taco Man solves one mystery
The show began calling people whose numbers had been saved under descriptions which no longer made sense. Nathan had “Scouse Taco Man” in his telephone after a drunken trip to Liverpool, but could not remember buying a taco or meeting anybody connected with one. He called the number live and asked the confused man whether he sold or ate tacos.
The stranger confirmed that he was from Liverpool but rejected every taco-related suggestion. He ended the call after saying that he was a taxi driver, allowing Scott to spot the simple answer: Nathan had intended to type “Scouse Taxi Man”. The neighbouring letters on his keypad had transformed a useful driver into a mysterious food vendor. Nathan finally knew whom to call the next time he needed a cab in Liverpool.
Who is Fish Pie Sue?
Louise from South Wales had the contact who inspired the entire feature. “Fish Pie Sue” had been in her telephone for at least a year, but she could remember neither Sue nor the meal apparently connecting them. The number still worked, and a friendly but bewildered Sue answered.
Louise explained the name and asked whether Sue had ever made a fish pie. Sue had, but could not remember sharing one with Louise and had no idea why they possessed one another’s details. Scott joined the conversation because he was desperate to solve the mystery, only to find that questions about cooking, location and previous meetings produced nothing useful.
The two women said goodbye on good terms, with Sue joking that she would send a fish pie, but the show had learned no more about their original encounter. Scott knew the question would return whenever he passed the dish in a supermarket. The investigation had found its central character without discovering who Fish Pie Sue actually was.
Forty pounds of protection for a £25 holiday
Chris had spent £40 on toiletries and holiday protection for accommodation costing £25. His supplies included sun cream, mosquito repellent in several forms and even a net, despite Scott repeatedly reminding him that he was visiting Tenerife rather than travelling into a tropical expedition zone.
Scott created mock news coverage of the trip going wrong. One image placed an annoyed Chris outside an unfinished building for a programme called Watch All, while another imagined him appearing on the BBC News Channel beneath the quotation “I should have listened to Danny Howard”. The scrolling strap reported an animal carcass being found in a bath.
The teasing eventually made Chris seek advice from the Rip Off Britain office downstairs at the BBC. He was secretly filmed approaching its staff, although the visit produced little reassurance. He still insisted the lack of bad reviews, welcome food and promised bottle of sparkling wine proved he had secured the bargain of the century.
Chris attends the wrong breakfast meeting
Chris arrived at a café for a meeting and was told one participant would be late. A man named Jordan approached, asked whether he was Chris and sat down, so they ordered coffee and began discussing their work. Chris described life at the BBC, Jordan explained his branding business and the two conducted a perfectly credible breakfast meeting.
The problem emerged when Jordan repeatedly asked where Greg was. Chris wondered whether Greg James had somehow joined the appointment, until Jordan asked whether he was a different BBC employee with the same first name. They had spent about ten minutes holding a meeting neither was supposed to attend.
Jordan moved to a nearby table when the correct person arrived, while Chris’s own contacts appeared shortly afterwards. Both meetings then continued within sight of one another. The café staff made matters worse by delivering Jordan’s croissants to Chris’s table because he had begun his breakfast there.
Dear Scott and the Radio 1 summer trailer
In Dear Scott, a listener reported that Australian prime minister Julia Gillard had been hit by a Vegemite sandwich during a school visit. Chris, already fascinated by Gillard, was delighted by the intensely Australian detail, although the show discouraged anybody from throwing food at political leaders. Another listener recommended River Monsters as a future source of innuendo, citing its pulsating rods, comparisons of tackle and struggles with beasts below.
Matt Edmondson joined Scott and Chris to watch Radio 1’s new summer trailer. Matt had spent hours in a cold warehouse wearing only pants and a spray tan for a few seconds on screen. The supposedly easy-to-remove colour had required an hour in a weak shower and washing-up liquid. Chris appeared briefly at the start, while the team particularly enjoyed Huw Stephens’ expression during the fast-moving film.
Matt then played Real or No Real. There really were 47 people in the United States named Lol, and Sir Alex Ferguson and Gordon Brown really had bonded over a shared interest in the assassination of John F Kennedy. Claims involving colour-coded pens for talent-show contestants and Gwyneth Paltrow carrying a daily bucket of soup were invented. The discussion nevertheless revealed that Danny Howard transported enormous salads in a stationery storage box, which sounded scarcely more practical than the fictional diet.
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