Claire Cooper plays Innuendo Bingo
Claire Cooper arrived from Hollyoaks as Jacqui McQueen’s final storyline gathered pace. Mercedes had been kidnapped, Jacqui was trying to raise the ransom and Claire carefully avoided revealing the surprise still to come the following week. She had watched Gerard Butler’s appearance and knew what Innuendo Bingo involved, although the speed with which a first meeting became a water fight still felt strange.
The opening round brought Hillary Devey praising somebody’s “spunk”, followed by Sara Cox clarifying that she was neither a cook nor a cock. Jamie Oliver polished his balls with jam, Ian Beale refused to let somebody finger his buffet and golf commentary introduced a woman fiddling with a 14-incher. Claire quickly committed to the game, directing several full mouthfuls at Chris and taking equally accurate returns to the face and clothes.
More golf supplied the memory of Ken Brown soaking his balls in hot water, while Jane Garvey discussed somebody’s passion for her Lulu. Greg Wallace sampled a salty-flavoured cream, Europa League commentary described giving somebody a little tug and Alexandra Burke refused to let a man inside her purse. By the finish, Claire looked shocked by the state of her make-up but insisted she had enjoyed herself. Scott praised her as a great contender and sent viewers back to Hollyoaks to discover what Jacqui did next.
A Voice edition of Real or No Real
Matt from Wickford played a Voice-themed Real or No Real against Chris. will.i.am’s friend and fellow Black Eyed Peas member apl.de.ap really had known him since high school, despite the name initially sounding like something invented for the round. Danny O’Donoghue had not ended a relationship because being too happy was damaging his ability to write sad songs.
The first play of a Tom Jones record really had been on Top Gear, although this referred to a BBC radio programme from the 1960s rather than the television motoring show. Jessie J’s chair did not contain hidden compartments filled with moisturiser, a mirror, hairbrush, drinks and snacks. Matt and Chris finished level on 30 points after a round which also allowed them to imagine what each coach might conceal inside the arms of their chair.
Chris watches Iron Man 3
Chris had completed the first of three film screenings designed to prepare him for his mystery Hollywood interview. Iron Man 3 placed Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow on the list of possible guests, although the private screening felt almost as intimidating as the assignment. There was no popcorn, corned-beef sandwiches replaced normal cinema food and everybody else appeared to know one another from the film-review circuit.
The room also contained Stoke-on-Trent, a late Graham Norton and an unidentified blonde woman in red whom Chris tried to identify as Kate Lawler, Lisa Snowdon or somebody from Loose Women. Norton’s silhouette appeared in front of the projector as he entered, briefly becoming more memorable than the film itself.
Scott’s second assignment was Oblivion, adding Tom Cruise to the list. Chris at least recognised Cruise after previously struggling to identify him in a picture quiz, although he still had not watched the copy of Top Gun Scott had given him. One of Downey, Paltrow or Cruise might now be waiting on Thursday, with one more film still to come.
Hannah reviews Lizard Lick Towing
Scott’s run of overlooked television recommendations continued with Lizard Lick Towing. He loved the North Carolina repossession company, its confrontations and its cast of Ronnie, Amy, Bobby, Crazy Dave and Big Juicy. The programme’s threats and sayings already had a committed Radio 1 following, and listeners sent in favourite lines before Hannah delivered her verdict.
Hannah was much less enthusiastic. She found the repeated cycle of arriving, taking a vehicle and fighting with its owner too similar from episode to episode, and one scene involving a broken bottle was more violent than she expected. She awarded it five out of ten for somebody like her, but raised that to seven-and-a-half or eight for a viewer who enjoyed more traditionally masculine television. Scott accepted that she was entitled to disagree, even as messages continued to declare it the greatest programme on television.
Scott tests his service bell
Scott took the hotel-style bell he had bought for slow service into the real world. At his local newsagent, the apparently empty counter created the perfect opportunity, until the assistant rose from beneath it just as he put down the bell. With somebody already standing directly in front of him, ringing became unnecessary and the first experiment ended in awkward failure.
He and Chris next went to a café which did not offer table service and attempted to invent it. When Scott rang from his table, the delighted employee took the bell away because she thought it would be useful for the café. Instead of summoning anybody, he had accidentally donated his new device and promised to buy another for the kitchen. The experiment had failed twice, but at least the second business had discovered a practical use for it.
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