Scott DJs between the escalators
Scott had played one of the more unusual sets of his career at a women-only late shopping event in a shopping centre. He performed outside H&M between two escalators while stilt walkers prepared nearby and three butlers in the buff undressed backstage.
The location carried unhappy memories for Chris, whose first date had been a double date at the same centre’s cinema. He had spent the entire occasion failing to speak to the girl. Scott’s visit went better: shoppers cheered from both escalators whenever he announced Radio 1, even if there had been no grand introduction and some had not initially realised he was there.
Nanny Pat joins the breakfast show decks
With Scott and Chris preparing to cover Radio 1’s breakfast show, Scott wanted to preserve the programme’s Friday listener mixtape and add a guest DJ for the final half-hour. He listed the established names who had previously mixed listeners’ choices, then revealed a booking nobody had anticipated: Nanny Pat from The Only Way Is Essex.
Nanny Pat reacted to the invitation with delight despite never having DJed before. Jess Wright was expected to accompany her, while Scott promised to teach her everything necessary. The show also asked whether she might bring one of her famous sausage plaits, which Chris imagined as an exceptionally large sausage roll.
Suggestions for the segment’s name included “The Mills Tape” and “24 Years at the Tape End”, but the booking mattered more than the title. Nanny Pat would mix the requests from 9.30am on Friday, demonstrating the show’s theory that almost everybody could now advertise a “DJ set” after their name.
Josh’s bumper dilemma
Seventeen-year-old Josh had received a second-hand car from his parents for his birthday. While they were at work, he drove his sisters and cousin out for eggs, bacon and milk, then clipped the garage while reversing at about five miles an hour. A loose section of the rear bumper caught the wall and the entire left side snapped away.
His parents were due home in 45 minutes. One sister advised honesty, while the younger one supported a cover story, and Scott and Chris eagerly supplied several. Josh could claim a stranger had jumped into the car and demanded an escape, hide the bumper until it could be repaired, blame baboons at a safari park or attempt an emergency repair with superglue.
The glue failed and his mother arrived to find the bumper hanging on the floor. Josh rejected the safari-park story because there were no nearby monkeys or lions, then improvised a claim that two pheasants had run into the car and spun it around. His mother searched the vehicle for evidence while seven-year-old Jessie pretended to be ill and the family fed sausage to the dog in the hope that it would create a fresh distraction in the kitchen.
By the time his father was approaching home, even Scott accepted that the lies had become ridiculous. He and Chris advised Josh to confess the low-speed garage accident and abandon the pheasants before the story grew any further.
Sarah-Jane Crawford gets a basial
Scott continued Bass Week by giving Sarah-Jane Crawford a “basial”, massaging her face as both of them attempted a bass face. She was more concerned about her hair extensions than the treatment, while office staff carried on working behind them and two sombreros remained visible in the background.
The resulting video left it difficult to decide whether Sarah-Jane was relaxed or in pain. Scott nevertheless treated it as further proof of his new skill, announcing that it clearly showed he knew how to touch a woman.
Real or No Real with Sara Cox
Decorative sheep placed on a West Sussex roundabout really had generated calls from people worried about their safety, leading the council to add a fake fence and eventually a fake shepherd. Sara believed the story because it had the unmistakable logic of a council project and compared it with cardboard police officers positioned in petrol stations.
Liz Hurley had not caused Judy Finnigan to trend after finding her face burnt into toast. Elton John really had chosen Justin Timberlake to play a younger version of him in the video for “This Train Don’t Stop There Anymore”, despite Scott and Sara agreeing that the resemblance was generous.
The BBC had not lost the opening episodes of Davina McCall’s 2006 chat show in an archive fire and begun searching for interviews with KT Tunstall, Orson and Jill Halfpenny. Sara recognised the hand of a producer who had recently discussed Jill Halfpenny at length. She and Scott finished level on 30 points.
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