Innuendo Bingo moves into the shower
The final Innuendo Bingo of the year came from Fearne Cotton’s Christmas Live Lounge at a secret location. Scott presented while sitting on a toilet, with Nick Grimshaw and Chris standing together in a shower. Grimmy wore a red Santa dress inspired by Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” video, while Chris had an ill-fitting Santa outfit and an interactive Christmas jumper borrowed from his brother Dom.
Ordinary water was judged insufficiently festive. The pair began with eggnog and then faced a cold liquidised Christmas dinner containing turkey, roast potatoes, stuffing, sprouts and cranberry sauce. The overwhelming smell of sprouts made holding it in their mouths almost impossible, so both men gagged before the innuendo had a chance to help. They gratefully returned to eggnog.
Stuffing, balls and a final soaking
The clips included Jamie Oliver giving his balls a shine and jiggling them, John Torode explaining that everybody needed a decent stuffing and Pointless displaying five pictures of tits. A Hereford phone-in discussed Lord Hereford’s Knob, while snooker commentary carefully positioned the brown and the red.
There was more from a Christmas dinner programme about putting up two turkeys quickly, Carol Vorderman contemplating a custard pie and Cliff Richard recalling that he woke up to find he was inside somebody. Grimmy and Chris repeatedly lost their drinks, sometimes from laughter and sometimes because their festive mixtures were unbearable.
For the finale, every shower jet was turned on while the pair clung to one another beneath the water. The unusual costumes, hangovers, eggnog and pulverised sprouts made it an appropriately excessive end to the year’s Bingos.
The silent Cornerman at Boxing Day
Chris was planning a Boxing Day gathering and Scott had been invited, although he worried about entering a different group of friends. Particular attention went to Dave, known as Cornerman because he arrived at social events, sat silently in a corner and moved only to visit the bar. He rarely texted, yet somehow always appeared without needing a formal invitation.
That led to a wider discussion of difficult plus-ones: guests who looked miserable for an entire evening, then added everybody on Facebook and later announced that they had enjoyed a brilliant night. Scott suspected he might become the outsider at Chris’s party, while Chris insisted that he would fit in.
Dial-a-Carol tries an American favourite
After the previous day’s attempts at “Walking in the Air” and “Wrap Myself in Paper”, Scott returned to the University of Illinois. This time two students were asked to perform “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”, a song familiar in the United States but much less established in Britain.
Monica and another caroller delivered the request, giving the programme its latest transatlantic Christmas discovery. It joined “Feliz Navidad” in the collection of songs Scott and Chris believed Britain had somehow overlooked.
Popes, bonuses and coal in Real or No Real
The festive statements included the real claim that workers in Greece, Italy, Spain and Germany could legally receive an extra month’s salary as a Christmas bonus. A story that Kamaliya from Meet the Russians had received a coal mine worth $200 million was no real.
Pope Francis really had worked as a nightclub bouncer. The mention of coal prompted Charlie Sloth to remember receiving a lump from his father, who told him it was a moon rock while his sister received a bicycle. Charlie treasured it and proudly took the supposed space object into school.
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