One line still requires a soundcheck
Chris questioned why he needed to arrive at KOKO for a 16:30 soundcheck when his part in The Perfect Christmas Single consisted of one short line. Scott asked him to demonstrate it and immediately showed why rehearsal was necessary: the delivery and melody were wrong. With the show not due to begin until later that evening, Chris also faced several hours alone with Brian Belo while Scott and Beccy were away.
Brian treated his own two lines as a major national responsibility and talked about restoring the Christmas single to the public consciousness. The confidence disappeared when he tried to recite them. He replaced the real lyric about getting a chimney swept and trimming a tree with instructions to blow up the tree, then sang it to a completely different tune.
Chris had also forgotten that his line was “not a free reindeer”, despite spending the week repeating several incorrect versions. Scott played the full song again in the hope that hearing both parts in context would fix them in place. The team joked that audience members near the front might have to prompt the performers, as had happened during the live episode of The Only Way Is Essex.
Loving the Trolls
Lawrence, the programme’s computer-generated voice, returned to read another selection of online abuse. One critic said the team were as funny as French-kissing a python, an insult Scott admired for its originality. Others complained that Radio 1 always played the same songs and claimed that the music was literally melting their face.
The final message described somebody on the programme as a cat-looking waste of flesh. Lawrence’s flat delivery and uncertain pronunciation removed most of its force, allowing Scott and Chris to enjoy the wording rather than take it personally. They also advised anybody whose ears were genuinely bleeding not to assume that an unpopular song was responsible and to seek medical help instead of texting the studio.
The morning after Radio 1’s Christmas party
The building’s internal email became a rolling news service for possessions lost at the previous night’s Radio 1 and 1Xtra party. One person had accidentally gone home in a size-14 Jasper Conran coat rather than their own size-eight coat, blaming the low lighting for failing to notice. The team imagined the other owner squeezing into the smaller garment and deciding it had mysteriously shrunk overnight.
Further appeals concerned a handbag containing a phone, purse and security pass, a jacket, one purple leather glove and a Kindle. Somebody who had lost both coat and house keys appeared not to have made it home at all. The range of missing belongings gave Scott an unusually middle-class lost-property bulletin and suggested that the effects of the party were still being reconstructed well into the afternoon.
Real or No Real
There was not a 75% chance that the person sitting beside somebody on a bus was wearing no underwear. Astronauts really did have a patch of Velcro inside their helmets so they could scratch their noses, although Brian’s explanation that the altitude was different in space became almost as entertaining as the fact.
Two and a half angels did not go into every serving of Angel Delight, but rubbing the ears really could help relieve an itchy throat. Airlines would not allow birthday passengers to leave aircraft by the emergency slide. Chris and Brian both finished with 50 points.
Dear Scott
A London flower-delivery driver told the team that their programme made working days easier, although he regarded Innuendo Bingo as a possible biohazard. Scott insisted the game was safe but accepted that people tended either to love the feature or not understand it at all. Since moving into Broadcasting House, he had noticed confused senior BBC staff hearing its clips in a silent lift and proposed filming their reactions.
Another listener described catching a pigeon from the window display of a sweet shop. Staff had recruited her because she was wearing a zoo uniform, but offered no free sweets after she removed it. A listener in Philadelphia reported being unable to download The Perfect Christmas Single outside the UK; Scott said the restriction had been corrected so the record could be heard around the world.
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