Chris Ramsey returns after Edinburgh
Chris Ramsey joined Scott, Chris and Beccy on Bonfire Night, having previously appeared at the programme’s Fun and Filth Cabaret in Edinburgh. Ramsey said the title had given him every excuse to make his performance particularly filthy, but promised to keep the conversation suitable for the much earlier time of day.
His Edinburgh run had included a live comedy marathon disrupted by a complete power cut. Comedian Joel Dommett had been on stage when the lights and sound disappeared, leaving him unsure whether the production team had simply decided his time was up. Ramsey returned to the stage, sat with him cross-legged in the darkness and responded to a call for them to take their clothes off by pointing out that nobody could prove they had not done it.
Ramsey’s stand-up tour had sold well enough to be extended into the following spring, while the current leg was due to end in Norwich on 22 December. He was also appearing in the six-part sitcom Hebburn, playing Jack, a man who had drunkenly married his girlfriend in Las Vegas and was forced to bring her home to the north-east. Ramsey had been encouraged by the reaction to his acting and hoped the programme would receive a second series.
He discussed the strange pressure of appearing as the comedian on panel shows. Mock the Week had been more welcoming than he expected, while sitting beside Sean Lock on 8 Out of 10 Cats left him laughing so much that it was difficult to contribute. Ramsey said panel show guests usually knew the subjects in advance, even though the best material still came from the unpredictable moments when everybody built on one another’s jokes.
One particularly unimpressive rumour claimed Ramsey kept a beach towel in his car for passengers who wanted to eat. Another said he had been flashing his money during a visit home by offering somebody £10 for their jeans. He denied both stories and remained baffled that anybody had thought the jeans incident was worth inventing.
Chris’s Bonfire Night disaster at the Tap End
For a Bonfire Night edition of 24 Years at the Tap End, Chris returned to his 17th year. He met Dugsy and Webbo at Roxbourne Park in Pinner, where the annual display included a bonfire, fireworks, sparklers and stalls selling flashing toys. The boys joined friends on the rougher side of the park and tried to speak to a group of girls, with Chris taking charge by formally shaking each of them by the hand.
The awkward greeting inspired a debate in the studio about whether people should use one cheek kiss or two. Chris proposed removing the uncertainty by placing a hand on the other person’s head and kissing their forehead instead. He thought it looked confident and decisive, while Scott and Beccy felt it was closer to a royal blessing.
After the display, the group moved to an Irish pub where Chris and his friends hoped they would be served despite being underage. Chris ordered a pint and tried his first cigarette, largely because everybody else appeared to be smoking. He disliked both the taste and the resulting light-headedness, but was pleased that the night seemed to be progressing successfully.
His confidence disappeared when a man entered with a dog. Chris assumed the police had arrived with a sniffer dog and shouted for everybody to run. He hid in a toilet cubicle while other young drinkers escaped through the garden, spilling drinks and creating enough commotion for the bouncer to begin removing people when they returned.
Once Chris emerged, he realised the supposed police officer was a blind man quietly enjoying a drink with his guide dog. The girls were no longer impressed and Chris left on his own, reflecting that he had learned several lessons from a night of firsts. The most important was that a blind man entering a pub did not mean a police raid was under way.
Real or No Real with Chris Ramsey
Ramsey joined the team for Real or No Real. It was true that the Mona Lisa had no eyebrows because women in Renaissance Florence shaved them off, but M&S food did not contain an additive designed to make customers feel more upper-class. H from Steps was not officially recognised as the greatest beatboxer from his home village.
Koalas really did have fingerprints very similar to those of humans, and astronauts needed to be shorter than six feet three inches. The claim that breaking wind had been banned after the Great Flatulence Cloud wiped out a tenth of London’s population in 1876 was, unsurprisingly, invented. Chris Ramsey and Chris Stark finished level on 50 points, ahead of Beccy on 30.
Loving the Trolls
The programme returned to Loving the Trolls, using the computer voice Lawrence to strip the menace from hostile messages. Danny Howard was told that he had the musical taste of a ten-year-old girl, looked like a “barbecued Chipmunk” and was old. Another listener suggested Scott and his colleagues should be moved to an overnight Radio 4 slot.
Chris was told that his eyebrows needed trimming, prompting suggestions that they could be threaded or dyed. The feature also transformed the messages into short raps with an app Chris had found, although Beccy’s attempt to sing the theme proved that even the technology had limits.
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