Day two at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe
Scott, Beccy and Chris returned to their temporary Edinburgh studio after the first night of the Fun and Filth Cabaret. Scott thought the opening show had been packed with strong moments, although Chris’s failed attempt to break a competitive-eating record remained difficult to ignore. He had managed only six chicken nuggets after mistakenly preparing for the challenge by eating chips, despite Beccy’s advice from her own competitive-eating experience that he should stretch his stomach without filling it.
Show introducer Mark was experiencing a very different comedown after taking part in the Olympic closing ceremony. He had performed in the “Goon Squad” alongside the models, marched to David Bowie and kept his gold costume afterwards. Mark said the scale of the crowd, lights and music had been extraordinary, and admitted that he had already watched his appearance back. Away from the ceremony, he worked as an editor for a comic-book company.
The team revisited one of the previous night’s biggest surprises, when Britain’s Got Talent contestant Mr Zip appeared during a section in which the audience could ask Mark Wright anything. Instead of posing a conventional question, he launched into “Where Me Keys?” and was mobbed afterwards. Scott also previewed the second cabaret, with Example hosting and Shlomo due to bring his beatboxing to the live stage. Scouting for Girls, Jason Byrne and Frisky and Mannish were among the day’s other guests and performers, while Nick Grimshaw celebrated his birthday in Edinburgh.
Rhod Gilbert and the flaming Battenberg
Rhod Gilbert arrived insisting that what looked like a head cold was really the result of staying out until six in the morning and drinking whisky. His new Fringe show was called The Man with the Flaming Battenberg Tattoo, and he teased Scott for asking what it was about when the answer was contained in the title.
The tattoo had begun with a television programme whose team wanted Rhod to get inked because they thought it would make good television. Rhod had argued that tattoos were pointless, so eventually agreed on the condition that he could choose the most pointless design possible. The resulting flaming Battenberg became much more significant than he expected and supplied the story for an hour-long show. Rhod said he would perform each evening at 7.40pm and planned to watch as many as five other Fringe shows a day once his own run was under way.
Chris’s final day at school
In 24 Years at the Tap End, Chris reached the end of sixth form. Pupils had been allowed to replace their uniform with suits, although Chris’s mother bought his on the optimistic assumption that he would grow into it. His romantic progress was less successful: after obtaining the number of a girl he liked, he discovered that his friend Lewis had actually given him the number of her boyfriend, the school rugby captain, forcing Chris to pretend that his message had gone to the wrong person.
Chris also admitted trying to improve the sixth-form common room by “liberating” a coffee machine, stereo, chairs and a portrait of an old head teacher from the staff room. Plans for the traditional muck-up day were more ambitious, involving diverted traffic and three sheep numbered one, two and four. Teachers discovered the plot and unexpectedly ended the school year that afternoon, leaving the pupils to move benches and bins indoors and throw stink bombs instead. Chris became surprisingly emotional as he left, looked back at the canteen boycott and other landmarks from his school years, then headed to the nearest chicken shop.
Innuendo Bingo
Beccy faced Chris in Innuendo Bingo, with listeners preparing at home using towels and large bottles of water. Clips included a cook praising the weight of a chopper, a fisherman keeping something moist with wet carpet, a discussion of a more moist muffin and a chef piping lemon curd into warm cakes. Beccy initially held her water remarkably well while Chris took most of the punishment.
The later clips finally broke both players. A contribution to Paul O’Grady’s Radio 2 show about a pearl necklace proved particularly difficult, while the familiar recording about a boy with his finger in a dyke ended the game. By then Chris’s ageing Bingo jeans were soaked and visibly fraying, giving the team another reason to take him clothes shopping.
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