A doomed restaurant, Chris’s Pixie Lott problem and a school trip at the Tap End
Scott was worried about a restaurant near his home that had already been a Turkish restaurant, Chinese and pancake house before being refitted again as a kebab and chip shop. Having repeatedly found himself as one of its only customers, he decided the new business needed a proper grand opening rather than a flimsy “coming soon” sign. Listener suggestions soon escalated to oversized scissors, flags, a royal lookalike and, eventually, a fish-and-chip friendly version of Ainsley Harriott.
The Post Radio 4 Lady brought several classic strands back into play, including listeners with crushes on Chris and a fresh invitation to take part in Innuendo Bingo. Chris’s apparent devotion to Pixie Lott became the bigger problem when he admitted he had considered getting her a birthday present despite not really knowing her. Beccy then reminded him of his earlier plan to make her a calendar of himself, a detail he would clearly have preferred to leave in the past.
For 24 Years at the Tap End, Chris travelled back to his Year Six school trip to Swanage. He remembered the coach journey, the teachers’ rules, a room full of boys determined to stay awake, and the vital decision to claim the top bunk because one of the other children was known to wet the bed. The week included climbing, football, assault courses and Dorset trips, but Chris’s version naturally focused on the bunk-bed politics and the illicit use of deodorant.
Chris also unveiled the latest form of his David Guetta-inspired song. Instead of simply writing about a nightclub, he had decided the club should metaphorically be an aeroplane, producing lyrics about radar, landing strips, aisle trolleys and the brace position. Beccy performed the aviation rap with increasingly fast repetitions of “fast”, while the team agreed its principal quality was that it existed.
The programme finished in a very Radio 1 way, with the team trying to define the acceptable standard for a radio DJ record by listening to old attempts from Steve Wright, Dave Lee Travis and others. Greg and Dev’s proposed musical duo was also set for a Live Lounge appearance, proving that Scott was more than willing to encourage other presenters into exactly the sort of ambitious, questionably musical project he had spent the afternoon mocking.
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