🧺 Scott Mills vs The Ironing Board

Scott opened Friday’s show by addressing a particularly devastating headline about himself:
“Scott Mills: I can’t even put up an ironing board.”

He confirmed that it was completely true, but insisted it was not because he could not be bothered. Faced with an ironing board, deckchair or flat-pack furniture, his brain simply freezes:

“I honestly cannot work it out… I just get a mental freeze.”

Scott compared it to people struggling to tell left from right, while Tina admitted she still uses her hands to work that one out.

Listeners quickly confessed the seemingly simple tasks that defeat them, including changing light bulbs, folding prams, collapsing pop-up tents and fastening swimsuit clasps.

Caller Kirstie found a kindred spirit in Scott. She is so frightened of ironing boards trapping her fingers that she irons with hers lying flat on the floor:

Kirstie: “They’re all legs and crosses.”
Scott: “You have described it brilliantly.”

The pair declared themselves official “ironing-board friends.”

🧠 Things That Should Be Easy… But Aren’t

The ironing-board discussion became a full national support group for people defeated by everyday objects.

One listener admitted leaving a pram beside the car after spending nearly an hour trying to collapse it. Another could not put a pop-up tent back into its bag:

“I just stand there with it flopping around, hitting me in the face and looking like an idiot.”

Scott added several more items to his own list:

• Relacing trainers
• Parallel parking
• Maths
• Deckchairs
• Flat-pack furniture

Essentially, anything involving hidden mechanisms, folding legs or spatial awareness is best kept away from him.

🕵️ The Traitors’ Charlotte Takes On the Easiest Quiz

Friday’s contestant on the Easiest Quiz was a very familiar voice: Charlotte Berman from The Traitors.

Scott revealed that he had been firmly on Team Charlotte during the programme and even found messages from his friends’ Traitors group chat:

“Charlotte didn’t just throw people under the bus. She is the bus.”

Charlotte said she had loved getting the opportunity to play as both a faithful and a traitor, before admitting that she listens to the Easiest Quiz every morning.

The quiz began strongly:

• Who hosts the UK Traitors? Claudia Winkleman
• What planet are we on? Earth
• Spell cake. C-A-K-E
• Name an ingredient in an omelette. Egg

However, trouble arrived when Charlotte was asked what people put on a mixtape. She answered “CDs” rather than songs or music, ending the game with 13 points.

Scott: “Nightmare. Nightmare.”

Charlotte still received a hero’s farewell, followed by the orchestral version of Britney Spears’ “Toxic” from The Traitors at the Proms.

🙏 Pause for Thought: Remembering Frank Topping

Methodist deacon Sue paid tribute to former Radio 2 contributor and minister Frank Topping, whom she described as an unsung Pause for Thought hero.

Frank became known for his gentle reflections, humour and memorable exchanges with Terry Wogan. Sue had listened to him as a young Christian before eventually becoming his friend and following in his footsteps on Radio 2.

She recalled attending his funeral and hearing stories about the impact he had made through his faith, broadcasting and kindness:

“Thank you, Frank Topping, Pause for Thought hero. May you rest in peace and rise in glory.”

⚽ Big Guest Friday: The New Match of the Day Team

Scott welcomed all three presenters of the new-look Match of the Day into the studio together: Gabby Logan, Kelly Cates and Mark Chapman.

Scott had been dressed as the referee for the occasion, although the guests felt his outfit looked less Premier League and more:

• A cheap replica football shirt
• Mark Clattenburg on Gladiators
• Bully from Bullseye

Mark was immediately subjected to questions about his appearance after revealing that the photograph attached to his BBC pass was taken when he joined the corporation around 30 years earlier.

Scott: “You look better and younger now than you did then.”
Gabby: “He’s Benjamin Button.”

The presenters explained that they would rotate rather than host every programme as a trio. Scott admitted he had initially imagined all three appearing together each week.

Kelly: “How on earth would that work?”
Scott: “No room for pundits, no room for highlights.”

📺 Match of the Day Needs a Catchphrase

Scott identified one major omission from the iconic football programme: it does not have a proper catchphrase.

The team considered several possibilities, including:

• “Football’s the winner.”
• “Stay out of the black and in the red.”
• “Where have you been? Shouldn’t you be at work?”

None felt entirely suitable for late-night Premier League highlights.

By the end of the interview, Scott finally unveiled his suggestion for Mark to deliver at the close of the programme:

“We watch football, so you don’t have to.”

The response from the professionals was not overwhelmingly positive.

⭕ Gabby Logan’s Rhythmic Gymnastics Comeback

Before becoming one of Britain’s best-known sports presenters, Gabby competed in rhythmic gymnastics. Naturally, the team had provided a hoop so she could demonstrate her former skills.

Gabby initially seemed reluctant but eventually performed live in the studio, as Kelly and Scott watched in amazement.

Mark was then invited to have a go and received a rather unforgiving expert assessment.

Kelly: “It’s fine for a beginner.”
Gabby: “The looks to the side for reassurance showed me a little bit of insecurity. I think you can be more confident in yourself, Mark.”

Kelly later declared Gabby’s hula-hooping prowess the highlight of the first half of Big Guest Friday.

🚻 Scott and Chappers: The Reunion

The appearance also reunited Scott with his former Radio 1 colleague Mark Chapman.

Mark officially left their programme on Christmas Eve 2009, although there was no emotional farewell. Instead, he simply went to the toilet and never returned.

The exit was inspired by a long-running joke about a member of the Sugababes disappearing during a trip to Japan:

Scott: “There was a time where we didn’t talk, because he did go to the loo and not come back.”

Neither man wanted a dramatic final programme, leaving listeners to realise gradually that Chappers really had gone.

Scott also unearthed an online diary from their 2005 trip to Magaluf with Jo Whiley. While Scott attended dinner with DJ Sammy, Mark and producer Neil conducted some extremely thorough “research on the Magaluf bar scene.”

Jo has since described it as the worst weekend of her life.

🎂 Alan Shearer Gets a Very Personal Birthday Message

The presenters were joined by Match of the Day legend Alan Shearer, who had recently celebrated his birthday.

Scott discovered that Alan had not received nearly enough birthday attention, so the studio repeatedly wished him a happy birthday before attempting to create his own personalised version of the programme.

The segment became increasingly chaotic, complete with football commentary, celebratory music and Scott reading whatever appeared on the script:

“You couldn’t write a script like this. And that is why they call it the beautiful game.”

Alan seemed mildly confused, which only made it better.

🔮 The Premier League Predictions

Scott finished the Match of the Day special with a quickfire round of predictions for the new season.

🏆 Who will win the Premier League?

Gabby unexpectedly changed her prediction from Liverpool to Arsenal.

📈 Who will make the top four?

Kelly selected Arsenal, Manchester City and Chelsea, alongside her presumed champions.

😬 Who might struggle?

Mark tried to avoid condemning anyone to relegation before suggesting Sunderland had the strongest chance of surviving among the promoted clubs.

When pressed to name a struggling team, he offered Sheffield Wednesday, only to be reminded that they were in the wrong league.

🌟 Breakout player

Kelly highlighted Arsenal youngster Max Dowman, who was only 15.

👕 Best kit

Mark ignored the Premier League entirely and selected Port Vale’s retro League One shirt.

✍️ Signing of the summer

Kelly chose Arsenal midfielder Martín Zubimendi, supporting the panel’s growing confidence in the Gunners.

❤️ A Proud Scott Mills

After an hour of football, old stories, hula-hooping and relentless interruptions, Scott told Mark how pleased he had been when his former colleague secured the role.

“I am very proud of you. When you got this, I was so pleased for you.”

Mark admitted that Scott had played a major part in his career, although he credited Sara Cox with discovering him first:

“Sara launched me, and then you sailed me.”

It was an unusually sincere moment between two presenters who generally prefer making jokes to exchanging compliments.

The new Match of the Day era was officially ready to begin, even without Scott’s proposed catchphrase.