Coming out as a Selena Gomez fan
Scott had decided that Selena Gomez’s “Come & Get It” was one of those pop songs people could enjoy while still feeling slightly embarrassed about admitting it. After spending the previous few days insisting that repeated listens would win people over, he invited listeners to stop hiding and publicly declare themselves fans.
The response suggested he had identified something real. One caller normally preferred heavy metal but saw no reason that should prevent him recognising a good pop song. Another listener said she had been secretly obsessed with the track and was relieved Scott was making it publicly acceptable. A sales rep was so supposedly ashamed that Scott put his voice through the studio’s voice changer, although Scott’s inability to operate the new equipment properly made him progressively harder to understand rather than safely anonymous.
Eventually the caller revealed that his name was John anyway. Scott then asked him to wind down the window of his vehicle and shout his love for Selena Gomez to the person alongside him. It turned a fairly simple defence of a pop record into a mock coming-out ceremony, exactly the sort of unnecessary theatricality Scott enjoyed. His prediction remained the same: anybody who was unconvinced earlier in the week should keep listening and see how they felt by Friday.
Chris has forgotten the practical part of being a wedding DJ
Chris had a much more urgent problem. His friend Dicko, the same friend whose wedding he had invited Mila Kunis to during their now-famous interview, was getting married on Saturday. Months earlier Chris had enthusiastically agreed to DJ at the reception. It was only now, on Wednesday, that he had remembered a mobile disco required rather more than simply turning up and choosing songs.
He was expected to provide the equipment himself: decks, mixer, speakers and lights. Chris had almost none of it. That left him worried he was going to disappoint Dicko twice, first because Mila Kunis was not actually coming to the wedding, and then because the promised DJ might arrive without a functioning disco.
Scott treated the disaster as an opportunity to plan alternative entertainment. Could Chris borrow a performing dog? Could he abandon DJing and do a stripping routine instead? Could he simply plug in his phone? Listeners suggested torches in place of proper lights, while Chris wondered whether Swedish House Mafia might have spare equipment now they had split. Scott, who had actually run a mobile disco as a teenager, pointed out that years earlier he could have supplied almost everything Chris needed. Unfortunately, that was not much use three days before the wedding.
Chris had already spoken to Dicko’s fiancée Amy and knew how much she wanted everything to run smoothly. He therefore felt particularly guilty about the lack of preparation, although broadcasting the entire problem to Radio 1 was an unusual way of keeping it from her. By the end of the discussion the search was still on for enough equipment to make the Saturday-night promise credible.
Dizzee Rascal swaps clothes with Robbie Williams
Dizzee Rascal joined Scott with “Goin’ Crazy”, his collaboration with Robbie Williams, doing well and a new album on the way. He had written the song in Los Angeles before recording Robbie’s contribution at Robbie’s house on another visit. Scott was naturally less interested in conventional studio detail than in what happened when one major pop star visited another one’s home.
Dizzee explained that he had seen some of Robbie’s art and cars, and the pair had ended up swapping clothes. Dizzee gave Robbie a hat and received a pair of trainers, then Robbie later gave him another hat bearing a “ravers” variation on the Raiders design. Scott decided it sounded like a celebrity jumble sale.
Chris used the visit to pitch his tuxedo T-shirt, the business idea which had already been undermined when listeners pointed out that plenty of other companies sold them. Dizzee’s verdict was refreshingly direct: he would not wear one. He explained that successful artists were often given clothes by brands which wanted them photographed in their products, so the promise of a free novelty T-shirt was not quite the irresistible endorsement opportunity Chris hoped it might be.
The conversation moved to Dizzee’s video with Robbie, in which mobility scooters appeared, and then to the wider business of celebrity. Dizzee said music remained his priority and that, if anything, he wanted fame itself to take more of a back seat. His forthcoming album featured guests including Tinie Tempah, will.i.am, Sean Kingston and Angel, but he stressed that he still cared about making an album work as a complete body of music rather than simply assembling singles.
Scott also returned to Dizzee’s famous Newsnight appearance and the campaign which had once jokingly proposed him as prime minister. Dizzee had never seriously endorsed it. Making people happy through music was difficult enough, he reasoned, without being responsible for their lives politically as well.
Scott cannot stop trailing stories in real life
Chris had noticed that years of radio presenting had given Scott an irritating real-life habit: he trailed stories. A normal person might simply tell a friend something interesting, but Scott would announce that he had an amazing story and then promise to reveal it later, as though everybody in the pub needed to remain tuned in through the next record.
Scott admitted there was some truth in it. He had become so used to advertising what was coming next on air that it happened naturally away from the microphone too. Chris imagined him doing time checks, announcing travel and promising that another friend would be “coming up later” while sitting in a pub. Scott denied going quite that far, but accepted the forward-trailing charge.
The subject had become particularly painful because one of Chris’s friends was doing the same thing to him after returning from Las Vegas. Chris wanted the full account of what had happened. Instead he received a deliberately tantalising message saying everybody had lost money, used their English accents to their advantage and accumulated stories which would only be revealed over a pint. For once, Chris was experiencing exactly the frustration Scott regularly inflicted on other people.
Scott also asked for new Dear Scott emails before the Posh Radio 4 Lady left for her summer residence in Lake Como. In the show’s long-running fictional version of her life, she needed a fresh stack of listener correspondence for the poor boy Raul to read aloud while she was away.
Sara Cox knows her sideburns
Sara Cox returned for Wednesday’s Real or No Real. The first fact was true: sideburns take their name from American Civil War general Ambrose Burnside, with the order of the words reversed. Chris had somehow spent his life imagining the name referred to a tyre-like burn mark down the side of somebody’s face, which left Scott once again fascinated by the way his mind worked.
Icona Pop did not have accents regarded as particularly posh in Sweden, despite a long diversion into which current musicians sounded posh to Scott and Sara. Venezuela really had produced an app to help people locate scarce toilet paper during shortages, prompting an unexpectedly detailed discussion of leaves and black-market loo roll.
The final claim returned to one of the show’s favourite targets, Adele’s hair. Her hairstyle had not been created because a gardening accident removed a large lock at the back of her neck and forced a barber to work around it. Scott scored only 10 points while Sara finished on 30, a convincing recovery from the previous week’s Rock Week round.
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