Building the fitometer
A survey claimed the average British man considered himself better looking than Wayne Rooney, James Corden, Michael McIntyre, Simon Cowell and Russell Brand. It arrived at the right time for Chris, who was still thinking about his failure to develop into a Pierce Brosnan-style older gentleman. Scott tested him with individual names, while also deciding he was better looking than Psy but not Gerard Butler.
Chris turned the discussion into a “fitometer”. David Beckham occupied the most attractive end and Gollum the other. Between them came several eras of Nick Grimshaw, from peroxide hair through a bowl cut to his much-improved present form, alongside Prince William, the average cast member of The Inbetweeners, Jessie J, JLS and Robert Pattinson.
Chris initially placed himself between Prince William and The Inbetweeners. Scott was harsher on himself, choosing the narrow space between bowl-cut Grimmy and peroxide Grimmy, although Chris promoted him above present-day Grimmy and just below Jessie J. Chris then returned to the street for an independent ruling. A group put him between Prince William and The Inbetweeners, another person moved him above Grimmy, and his most generous respondent rated him higher than JLS but fractionally below Robert Pattinson.
Rhianna Dhillon plays Innuendo Bingo
Film critic Rhianna Dhillon faced Chris with fresh sheets covering the studio and a promise to commit properly to her latest Innuendo Bingo. BBC snooker began by explaining a chemical process which involved dipping balls in a solution. Danny Howard struggled to twist something until it dribbled over him, while Newsnight explained that somebody trained to use the back door would never seek the front one.
Coast said birdwatchers flocked to spot the chough, Ben Shephard revealed his love of getting crabs and an actor on Doctors was told he could kiss his chocolate star goodbye. A showjumper had not quite pulled off the third leg, while Richard Arnold reported Sue Jameson covering her lettuce with fleece.
Rhianna took much of the water in her face, hair and lower clothes but kept returning with full cheeks. Victoria Wood described a husband who came when he wanted while she spent most of her time on the floor. Ken Bruce supplied the final classic, with a listener saying she no longer went to the cinema because there were too many complaints. Both players ended soaked, and Rhianna immediately warned that she would need to rescue her mascara.
Number 97 on the Hot 100
The fitometer became more contentious when Sarah-Jane Crawford unveiled her own Hot 100 men live on 1Xtra. Scott and Chris appeared together at number 97, above only a handful of entries including Dan and Phil. They marched into the neighbouring studio to challenge her.
Sarah-Jane argued that reaching the top 100 among billions of men was an achievement and said placing close colleagues any higher might have felt awkward. Scott thought the low position was considerably more awkward. George Alagiah appeared at 76, Charlie Sloth at 65, Chris Smith from Newsbeat at 54 and an unfamiliar member of the 1Xtra office at 87. Psy was also above them. Sarah-Jane’s attempts to describe the list as a bit of fun did not stop them asking to be removed altogether.
Fish Pie Sue takes shape
Scott and Chris returned to the unusual labels people gave telephone contacts whose surnames they did not know. Scott had “Ben my car” for the person who repaired his vehicle, while Chris used combinations such as a first name and the place where they met. Listeners had contacts they no longer recognised, including the wonderfully mysterious “Fish Pie Sue”.
The show proposed calling some of those numbers live to reconstruct the original meeting. The person with Fish Pie Sue could finally discover who she was and why the name once made sense. The idea would become Friday’s experiment.
Chris was also preparing for his £25-per-person holiday near Tenerife’s Playa de las Américas. Scott and Greg James found the price, free welcome pack and complete absence of bad online reviews more suspicious than reassuring. Chris insisted he had called and confirmed that the accommodation existed. Scott expected his friend’s eventual complaint to appear on Watchdog.
Greg James plays Real or No Real
Greg knew that Alan Dedicoat really held business meetings over milkshakes in a nearby American diner. He regularly saw Alan leave Newsbeat during the programme and return after Scott’s opening run of songs. Paul O’Grady dressed as Lily Savage and Yves Saint Laurent had not been the first people to pass through the Channel Tunnel.
Facebook really was blue because Mark Zuckerberg had red-green colour blindness and found blue easiest to see. The discussion sent Scott back to the platform’s early university-only days, when he had asked for his institution to be added and then browsed nearly everybody in its tiny network. Greg had not spent ten minutes outside his flat being photographed while untangling headphone wires. After briefly forgetting how many questions they had played, Scott and Greg finished level on 20 points.
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