Scott’s busy weekend
Before revealing the interview, Scott described attending Manchester United’s 4–0 victory over Norwich City with his father. He found the first part of the match slow, but enjoyed the sudden run of goals and decided football might be a surprisingly painless way to spend more time together.
Manchester Airport security was less enjoyable. Scott’s cosmetics bag was too large, staff laughed at its size and half of its contents were confiscated. He found himself feeling guilty at the scanner despite knowing he had done nothing wrong.
When Chris met Mila Kunis
Chris had been taken directly from Radio 1 to a London hotel and rushed into the room after Mila Kunis had already spent the day promoting Oz the Great and Powerful. Cameras, lights, publicists and somebody finishing her make-up surrounded the pair. His carefully practised interview technique disappeared almost immediately.
Chris opened by admitting that he was petrified and had never conducted such an interview before. He then asked what it had been like for Mila to be ugly for once, referring to the prosthetics used for her transformation into a witch. He intended it as a compliment about her normal appearance, but Scott heard only an extraordinarily risky opening question.
Mila asked what was making him so nervous. Chris explained that he was more comfortable in a pub with his friends and that interviewing her would earn him “massive lad points”. Within moments they had moved away from the film and onto Jägerbombs, the stronger “ladbombs” served by his group, the Misty Moon pub, Watford nightlife and friends including S-Dosser and Chango the Beast.
Rather than shutting the conversation down, Mila said it was more entertaining than the usual questions. Chris invited her to join the group for drinks and offered a full Watford day out: Nando’s before the match, a Watford FC game, a chicken balti pie at half-time and pints afterwards. Mila disliked the idea of a bright yellow shirt but liked beer and said she could drink a pint quickly. Her offer to show Chris a Blue Moon beer produced the line which amused Scott most: “You’re going to show me football and I’ll show you a Blue Moon.”
A publicist returns them to the film
Mila’s publicist eventually reminded the pair that there was a film to promote. Mila responded by delivering the answers herself, explaining her character Theodora’s journey and her work with James Franco, Rachel Weisz and Michelle Williams. She had plainly repeated the material many times and moved through it without needing Chris to supply the questions.
Chris interrupted the return to business by mentioning his friend Dico’s forthcoming wedding. He invited Mila as his guest, then asked whether she had ever “dropped trou” at a wedding and had to explain the group’s practice of removing their clothes and dancing with only watches left on. Mila declined the invitation because she expected to be filming in June, but remained amused.
The interview ended with Mila saying that she had genuinely enjoyed it. Scott accepted that Chris had learned more unusual information than a conventional interview might have produced, even though he had barely discussed Oz the Great and Powerful. Chris had gone into the room terrified and emerged having invited one of Hollywood’s biggest stars to a pub, a football match and a wedding.
The photograph and an awkward wave
Chris had been allowed one photograph with Mila but posed by pointing at her with a thumbs-up, as if astonished that she was really there. He was offered a second attempt and produced almost exactly the same pose. Scott suggested using the picture on a bank card, following Unlucky Gary’s decision to place his photograph with Jay-Z on a credit card.
Later, Scott waved enthusiastically at a man passing through the revolving doors at Broadcasting House. He recognised the face from the BBC News Channel and momentarily forgot that they had never met. The presenter did not wave back, leaving Scott to experience the peculiar embarrassment of mistaking television familiarity for an actual relationship.
Loving the Trolls
Lawrence softened another collection of online insults. One listener compared Chris’s stories with damp plimsolls, strangely comfortable but ultimately pointless. James Argent was criticised for the way he drank water during Innuendo Bingo, even though the object of the game was to spit it out.
Charlie Sloth’s appearance generated comments about his weight and the protective sheet he had used. Scott and Chris agreed with the criticism of guests covering themselves and considered banning blankets from future games. The photograph of Chris’s interview clothes attracted attacks on his wooden-looking shoes and claims that they belonged to his grandfather, although one person wanted to know where to buy his jacket.
Facebook faces
Scott noticed that many people used the same expression in every online photograph. Chris’s own habit was to pout rather than smile, while mirror photographs frequently combined a “duck face” with a visibly dirty mirror. They proposed a game of spotting the repeated expression across somebody’s entire profile and questioned why so many self-portraits were taken in bathrooms without first cleaning the glass.
Real or No Real with Dan and Phil
Dan and Phil joined after watching the Mila video and described it as seven minutes of simultaneous cringing and celebration. They believed Mila had welcomed a break from the repetitive film questions and encouraged Chris to spread the clip online.
In Real or No Real, people really had used crustless bread to erase pencil marks before rubber erasers became common. New Waitrose employees were not paid in luxury picnic hampers, however attractive Phil found the idea. A 200-year-old Paris rule restricting women from wearing trousers had only recently been formally overturned, while Cockfosters station had not received its name because a transport minister wanted to see whether he could get away with it. Scott, Dan and Phil all finished on 30 points.
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