Girls Aloud call it a day
Scott broke the news to Chris that Girls Aloud had announced their split after the final concert of their reunion tour. Chris had somehow missed the story despite it becoming the leading worldwide trend on Twitter. He wondered whether a decision made after a show and possibly a few drinks should be reconsidered with clearer heads the following morning.
Scott treated it as a major moment in pop. The group had produced 21 successful singles across ten years, briefly reunited for a new song and tour, and had now confirmed that it was over. Chris remained confused that a band could return only to split again so quickly, but accepted Scott’s description of a sad day for Radio 1.
Nina Nesbitt and BBC Introducing
Nina Nesbitt arrived as the “queen of the Nesbians” after “Stay Out” became Scott’s Big Thing. She had come through BBC Introducing in Scotland with support from Ally McCrae and attended the previous year’s Introducing masterclasses. Hearing advice from agents, presenters, musicians and other industry figures had helped her understand the different routes into music.
Scott encouraged unsigned artists, bands, DJs and prospective industry workers to use the Introducing website and upload their work. Nina’s progress was evidence that people genuinely listened. She had moved from those early uploads and small performances to touring, chart success and a heavily anticipated appearance in the Radio 1 studio.
Nina’s armbands fail the test
Nina had been watching Innuendo Bingo videos on tour and arrived more prepared than most guests. Her tour manager found pink inflatable armbands, which looked suitable for a feature involving so much water. Scott and Chris had forgotten that armbands had to be placed on the arms before being inflated, creating an extra struggle before the game began.
Kevin McCloud spoke about somebody keeping a close eye on his technique, and Grimmy’s breakfast show revealed that a control knob was positioned between a colleague’s legs. Nina initially released only a cautious spray. Once Scott told her to fill her cheeks and aim properly, she abandoned any restraint and began directing water into Chris’s face.
Palace official David Leakey returned with the nickname Black Rod. Football commentary described a player who “went down on himself”, Demi Lovato said she loved a custard pie in the face, and Great British Menu featured beef lollipops tested on friends and family. Greg Wallace praised something which had become a mush, while Joe Biden promised that the president had a big stick.
The armbands did little to protect Nina’s clothes, face or eye make-up. Her competitive approach repeatedly caught Chris on the head and drove water beneath his usual bingo outfit. Clips from Four in a Bed, Vanessa Feltz and Dale Winton kept the game going until both players were drenched. Dale’s final confirmation that “head” was a convincing answer supplied an appropriate finish.
Nina was cold, soaked and left with mascara running down her face, but remained delighted to have played. Scott thanked her for committing to the feature after weeks of anticipation, while the programme prepared the photographs and video which would prove that the armbands had been almost entirely decorative.
The Girls Aloud helpline
Scott’s friend Lauren had tweeted that she was devastated by the split. In the 1990s, fans could telephone helplines after a favourite band broke up, so Scott created a modern version with one important difference: instead of waiting for grieving fans to call, his service cold-called them.
He repeatedly rang Lauren with fragments of Girls Aloud songs and menu options. The automated service asked callers to press one for Cheryl, two for Nadine, three for Sarah, four for Nicola and five for Kimberley, despite Lauren never having requested assistance or entered any numbers. Scott then put her on hold because all operators were supposedly busy.
Lauren tolerated several calls before recognising him. Scott revealed that he had seen her tweet and wanted to help, though Chris suspected the service had mainly made her more annoyed. Another listener, Carla, had genuinely cried over the news and said she would have welcomed the call. The problem remained that the band’s supposed reunion had already happened, removing the obvious hope of another quick comeback.
Dear Scott
A listener working in rural Africa had been revisiting podcasts from 2008 and found an old Would You Rather? in which Scott chose a kiss with Vanessa Feltz over a beating from former X Factor contestant Eoghan Quigg. Five years later, Comic Relief had made the first option a reality. Scott wondered whether Chappers and Beccy now needed to watch for a muscular Quigg arriving to complete the prediction.
Luke was moving to Australia and asked the widely travelled Chris for advice. Chris recommended eating only in restaurants which showed photographs of the food, not worrying too much about Greek signs concerning toilet paper, never throwing sausages at Germans and remembering the 100ml limit for liquids. He had once offered to spray half the contents from a 200ml bottle of musk at airport security and discovered that reducing the amount inside did not change the size of the container.
Dave described meeting a woman after she asked to try his ladbomb. At the end of the night she high-fived him and awarded “150 Danny Howard points to you, sir.” Chris enjoyed hearing that the programme’s language had spread but could not recognise the points because she was not an authorised distributor.
Real or No Real with Greg James
Greg joined a Girls Aloud special and selected “Sound of the Underground” as the group’s defining song, partly because it reminded him of being a teenager. He also admitted that Nadine Coyle had been his favourite member, an answer Scott found unexpectedly specific.
The group really had consumed thousands of packets of chewing gum and energy drinks during the 2008 Tangled Up Tour. They had not attempted to repair relations with Popstars: The Rivals boy band One True Voice by buying cakes and adopting a baby gorilla, although Chris’s immediate recall of their singles “Sacred Trust” and “Shakespeare’s (Way with) Words” suggested an ideal Mastermind subject.
Researchers really had calculated how long Nadine’s three-foot legs appeared in the group’s music videos. Nicola Roberts and Nadine had not destroyed one another’s paintings during an unaired episode of Watercolour Challenge. Scott argued that any television producer would have broadcast a fight that dramatic rather than hide it.
Greg and Scott finished with 30 points each. Greg requested another appearance on Innuendo Bingo after remembering the classic Anne Swithinbank clip, but agreed to wait until Scott returned from holiday. The show ended with one of Girls Aloud’s records and the reminder that this was Scott’s final programme for two weeks.
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