A film club with Sara Cox
Sara Cox wanted to arrange regular evenings at Scott’s house to watch some of the films she and Chris had somehow missed. Chris had never seen The Notebook, Mean Girls, Clueless or Thelma & Louise, and initially did not even recognise the last title. Scott proposed beginning with Mean Girls and saving The Notebook for a night when everybody was emotionally prepared.
The plan made Chris suspicious because he was not sure why Sara was so keen to include him. Scott nevertheless imagined popcorn, pyjamas and a programme of classic films. It would have to wait until after his forthcoming holiday, but the list was already long enough for several evenings.
Misha B cannot outrun the rain
Misha B arrived after taking a taxi journey of less than five minutes from a nearby chicken restaurant. Heavy rain and several bags made the short trip seem reasonable, although Scott treated it as evidence that pop-star habits were taking hold. Misha observed that it was impossible to dodge or outrun raindrops, a statement the team immediately considered as a possible album title.
She introduced “Here’s to Everything”, a song inspired by the toasts people made at Christmas and New Year. Her message was to acknowledge both the high points and the inevitable bad days. The track sampled the Fugees’ version of “Ready or Not”, and obtaining clearance had taken time because Misha was nervous about interfering with music by one of her main inspirations, Lauryn Hill.
Misha remembered missing an earlier appearance on the programme because of emergency dental work. She also discussed writing “Hurt Nobody” with Naughty Boy and Emeli Sandé for her debut album. Touring with Nicki Minaj had taught her about Minaj’s relaxed timekeeping: Scott recalled waiting four hours for an interview, while Misha had heard about the singer arriving 15 minutes late for a live American Idol show.
Before leaving, Misha showed Chris a preview of her new video on a laptop and received the programme’s now-traditional forehead kiss. Scott worried about how her hair would survive the weather, but an umbrella-carrying manager provided a more realistic solution than attempting to outrun the rain.
Scott Talks to Men in the Toilet
The revived experiment moved into the Radio 1 toilets, where the recent arrival of BBC News meant almost anybody might appear. Chris entered one of two cubicles, removed his trousers as part of his usual method and waited while Scott spoke into his earpiece from the studio. The questions concerned male grooming: face masks, fake tan and whether men kept themselves tidy “downstairs”.
The first man did not fake tan or use face masks, but eventually confirmed that he did keep everything tidy. A later group was more willing to engage. One man admitted trying a facial and said it had not been as bad as expected. Chris responded that his own skin felt smooth after a face mask at the weekend and invited somebody to touch it for three seconds.
The conversations became increasingly difficult as men entered, answered from the sinks or simply left rather than discuss their grooming with a voice from a cubicle. Chris worried that somebody he worked with would recognise him and eventually asked for private time so that he could finish whatever a person in a locked toilet cubicle was expected to be doing.
The broad result was that fake tan and face masks were not popular, but most respondents kept themselves tidy. Listeners wanted a live video stream of a future edition, an idea Chris rejected because he had been sitting without his trousers. A suggestion that he should next enter the ladies’ toilets was treated as a possibility, provided he could reach a cubicle without seeing anything.
Face masks and chamber pots
The grooming questions came from a photograph of Chris wearing a face mask at the weekend. He had agreed to it in exchange for being allowed to watch a certain amount of football. Although the mask felt like concrete on his face, he admitted that his skin was softer afterwards. Scott remembered the even stranger occasion when he had shaved Chris, but Chris wanted that image removed from the conversation as quickly as possible.
An old On the Buses film created a different domestic mystery. Scott spotted a chamber pot beneath a bed, and his flatmate said adults had once commonly kept them nearby rather than visit an outside toilet during the night. Older listeners confirmed that the practice had existed, while one reported that university flatmates had used a pot only two years earlier because they could not be bothered to walk downstairs.
Chris immediately searched online for the price of a chamber pot. Scott recognised the behaviour as preparation for an unwanted birthday present and warned him not to buy one. After a studio had already been soaked for Innuendo Bingo, “Team Chamber Pot” did not seem likely to improve Radio 1’s rules about liquids.
Real or No Real with Dan and Phil
Dan and Phil promoted a Radio 1 video assembled from listeners’ backwards footage, including somebody apparently sliding demonically upstairs and a Lego mansion rebuilding itself after being thrown from a balcony. They then joined a game which offered several more things to watch online.
Bill Gates really could leap over an office chair from a standing start. A video showed him clearing it with such ease that the group compared him with a gazelle and a human frog. Tinie Tempah did not own a Blue Peter badge, despite seeming like exactly the sort of person who should receive one, while North Carolina really had adopted the shag as an official state dance.
Arg from The Only Way Is Essex had not bought himself a signet ring and begun sealing official correspondence with a personal coat of arms. Chris won with 30 points, Scott scored 20 and Phil finished on ten. Dan failed to score, although the more important discovery was still Bill Gates’s unexpectedly powerful legs.
Loving the Trolls
Scott’s reaction to Beyoncé’s newly released “Bow Down” had produced the week’s richest supply of abuse. He loved Beyoncé but thought the track sounded messy, frightening and so unlike her usual work that he initially wondered whether it was a joke. Her fans did not accept that qualification.
Lawrence read instructions for Scott to shut up, reminders that nobody had asked for his opinion and the declaration that his “whole life is a joke”. Others called Beyoncé “Queen B”, described the track as the Queen’s new anthem and warned him never to question it. Scott found the royal language almost as unsettling as the insults.
Chris received one complaint about the mystery-shopper feature from somebody who wanted their licence fee back. A viewer also criticised Scott’s Comic Relief kiss with Vanessa Feltz for not being passionate enough. Scott argued that the blindfolded kiss had already lasted an impressive amount of time and did not deserve to be dismissed as a peck on the cheek.
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