Paris Hilton is hunting for a new best friend via a reality TV competition, and Laura becomes the obvious candidate—but not before the team works through some genuinely alarming (and hilarious) applicant videos. Plus: Chappers’ unexpected singing career takes off in supermarkets, and Scott issues a public service announcement about chilli and intimate moments.
The show opens with discussion of Heather Mills and the “would you” game, before pivoting to the main story: Paris Hilton’s new reality show competition, Paris BFF, where hopefuls upload videos, photos, and blog entries to compete for the title of her new best friend. Scott and the team work through some of the actual applicant submissions, which range from mundane (a girl who ditched school for a theme park) to deeply weird (one candidate suggests she could be the “sister Paris never had” because she was supposed to be a twin, with an extra placenta in the womb—leading to her offering to be Paris’s “new placenta”).
The team realizes Laura would be perfect for the role and revisit her previous attempt to become P. Diddy’s PA, complete with a cringey video of her promising discretion about Diddy and Beyoncé. They also mention her uploading Paris Hilton cover videos.
The second major feature concerns Chappers’ newfound singing career. After departments at various retail locations (Curry’s, Leisure Quest, River Island, Wetherspoon) agree to use his cover versions in-store instead of generic sound-alikes, Scott and the team produce a mock album cover and promotional spot featuring Chappers singing Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding Love.” It’s presented as a serious product launch.
Finally, Scott delivers the episode’s most practical advice: after receiving multiple texts from listeners cooking chilli con carne for partners, he tells the story of a man (Rob) who prepared dinner for his girlfriend (Lucy) but forgot to wash his hands after handling raw chilli. The chilli oil caused severe burning during their intimate time afterwards. The message is clear: wash your hands thoroughly after handling chilli before any physical contact. The warning extends to other spicy foods (Doritos, Thai crisps, kebab sauce) and Scott emphasizes this applies to all chilli-based cooking, not just con carne.
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