A power coffee with Grimmy
Scott and Chris began the day with Nick Grimshaw over coffee. Grimmy’s macchiato made the meeting feel unusually sophisticated, even though the important subjects were Julia Roberts, almond milk and his return to Innuendo Bingo.
He had survived several memorable games, including a Christmas edition involving eggnog and liquidised Brussels sprouts in a shower. This time he arrived in an expensive waterproof garment which resembled a designer bin bag, plus enormous ski goggles bought for a trip he had never taken.
Grimmy said the goggles would protect his remaining contact lenses and the outfit would test whether the coat could survive Glastonbury. Scott thought he looked like a badly conceived superhero or a birdwatcher preparing to hide in the undergrowth.
The waterproofing fails
Grimmy and Chris faced clips from Radio 4 drama, archaeology discussions and an invitation to “smash the rat” at a fair. Penny Horner’s name, family menus and other accidental phrases ensured the protection was tested repeatedly.
The coat began letting water through, while the goggles covered almost all of Grimmy’s face without stopping him spraying Chris. The resulting photographs were as effective as the audio, and Scott immediately recommended the video as one of the year’s strongest games.
Grimmy had treated the studio like a practical festival-clothing laboratory. The verdict was that the garment looked remarkable but should probably be returned.
Carly Rae gets the proposal
After hearing about couples maintaining long-distance relationships through Skype, Scott asked Carly Rae Jepsen to share an ordinary evening online.
Carly discussed “I Really Like You”, recording her album and persuading Tom Hanks to appear in the video after meeting him at her manager’s wedding. She then described her own quiet evenings at home, which made her an ideal subject for the experiment.
Scott proposed cooking dinner in London while she ate in Los Angeles, starting a film simultaneously and leaving the connection open through any comfortable silences. The time difference meant Carly might have lunch while he had tea.
She declared herself “super down” and even raised the possibility that her visiting mother might join them. Scott accepted that the event could become a three-person date and promised to buy fish fingers.
The internet has not broken
Zayn Malik’s departure from One Direction overwhelmed social media and pushed Scott into a separate rant. He objected to every major story being described as “breaking the internet”, because the internet remained visibly functional.
He also rejected repeated jokes offering to become the band’s new member or renaming it “0.8 Direction”. Everybody posting them believed they were first, making the response almost as repetitive as the news itself.
Real or No Real
Dev replaced the ill Greg James. Barack Obama’s account really did follow Grimmy after an early campaign-era follow-back, and Colin Farrell genuinely taught line dancing before becoming an actor.
Ella Henderson’s supposedly revealed “whoops” stickers were invented, although the discussion established how strongly Scott and Chris felt about supermarket reductions. The facts ended with Scott leaving to prepare for his real online evening with Carly.
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