The pants drop is on
There was no backing out now. For months, Chris had pretended to know a mysterious man called Matt because the owner of his favourite café kept asking after him. The lie had earned him unsolicited lunch discounts and now, apparently in return, a request to obtain half a dozen pairs of brightly coloured underwear.
Scott decided they had to follow through. Chris still did not know whether the café owner thought he worked in fashion, whether Matt could normally source clothes or whether the pants were some sort of test. What mattered was that the lasagne was good enough to protect at almost any cost.
A listener called Rich made Chris feel slightly better by revealing an even longer misunderstanding: his local Chinese takeaway had believed for roughly two years that he owned a motorbike shop, and the owner now wanted help finding a cheap scooter. Compared with accidentally entering the vehicle trade, six pairs of pants suddenly seemed manageable.
Sarah-Jane Crawford protects the hair
Sarah-Jane Crawford joined from 1Xtra for a simulcast edition of Innuendo Bingo. She arrived absurdly well prepared, wrapped in plastic and wearing several shower caps because she was going out later and absolutely did not want her hair ruined.
Scott was impressed enough to tell her she looked beautiful without makeup, then immediately congratulated himself for successfully paying a compliment to a woman. Sarah-Jane was more interested in ensuring the plastic outfit actually did its job.
The game worked through Eamonn Holmes, Celebrity MasterChef, local radio and more, with Sarah-Jane’s elaborate waterproofing taking a serious test. Her hair survived well enough for the evening, which meant the multiple shower caps could be declared a success.
Ninja Turtles in a brown paper bag
At about 2.40, lunch was finally allowed to happen. Scott and the team had bought six pairs of the brightest inexpensive underwear they could find. Some featured Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; others carried slogans including “Bite Me”. The producer packaged them in a plain brown paper bag, making the handover look considerably more suspicious than it needed to.
Chris went into the café with a hidden microphone, ordered the usual food and waited until he paid before handing over the package. The owner accepted it. Chris immediately fled rather than wait while the bag was opened.
Scott was delighted but also frustrated. They had completed the pants drop without learning anything: not who Matt was, not why underwear was involved and not whether the owner would actually like the fluorescent cartoon-heavy selection.
Chris wanted to declare the mystery over and enjoy what might be his last lasagne. Scott was already wondering whether they needed to go back tomorrow.
Scott’s mum wants a hot tub
The day’s other awkward conversation involved Scott’s mother, who had finished having her kitchen done and was now considering improvements elsewhere. One old idea had resurfaced: an outdoor hot tub.
Scott was firmly against it without being able to produce a particularly compelling reason. Chris, who got on well with Scott’s mum, thought she should ignore him and buy one if she wanted it.
Scott nevertheless planned a proper sit-down phone call to discourage the purchase. After an afternoon in which Chris had bought six pairs of underwear for a man whose name he did not know, telling somebody else how to spend their own money was almost reassuringly normal.
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