Statman Craig audits Chris’s Twitter vocabulary
The first morning of Scott and Chris’s two-week Breakfast Show run introduced an unexpected contributor. Craig, who worked with plants in a shop, had spent half an hour manually going through two months of Chris’s tweets after Scott claimed Chris constantly described things as “quality” or the best night of his life.
The evidence did not support Scott. Craig found only five uses of “quality” and a single reference to a great night. “Mate” appeared dozens of times, while “legendary”, “lads” and “wicked” were less common than Scott had implied.
Scott immediately appointed him Statman Craig and encouraged him to audit Scott’s own account next. What had started as a listener correcting one joke suddenly became a recurring statistical service.
Scott versus Chris begins in a café
The Breakfast Show launched a daily Scott versus Chris challenge with a large handmade scoreboard in the studio. The first contest tested who could maintain a straight face for longest while ordering food that was not on the menu in an ordinary café.
They alternated requests for increasingly implausible dishes: chocolate liver, squirrel, rabbit hotpot, blancmange, duck egg foie gras, witchity grubs and an all-day breakfast served in a can. The waitress repeatedly and patiently explained that none was available.
Eventually Chris’s brain ran out of imaginary food. He asked for spaghetti bolognese, only to discover it really was on the menu. That broke the rule and handed Scott the first point of the fortnight.
The pair immediately decided the overall loser should face a forfeit after two weeks, although neither wanted to decide what it would be while defeat remained possible.
Zane Lowe’s speech-jammer humiliation returns
Breakfast listeners were introduced to one of the afternoon show’s best recent experiments: Zane Lowe facing the speech jammer during a mock interview about Jay-Z. The tiny delayed feed in his headphones had transformed Radio 1’s fastest presenter into somebody struggling to complete ordinary sentences.
Zane had initially thought his broadcasting experience would let him defeat the effect. Instead his normal pace collapsed, his accent wandered and Greg’s increasingly concerned questions made the exchange sound as though Zane needed to lie down.
The replay worked as an introduction for listeners who had not heard the July programme and as a promise that more speech-jammer victims were planned during the Breakfast run.
A huge fortnight of guests gets under way
Scott looked ahead to a fortnight containing Chloë Grace Moretz, Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried, Tara Reid and several Innuendo Bingo guests. The Pitbull appearance had already fallen through, but the line-up still felt unusually strong.
Most intriguingly, Scott still had another When Chris Meets… celebrity interview prepared. After Mila Kunis and Robert Downey Jr, Chris knew enough about the format to be nervous whenever Scott described something as good for everybody.
The first Breakfast show ended with the scoreboard reading Scott 1, Chris 0 and Chloë Grace Moretz due the following morning.
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