Britain discovers barbecue weather
Scott opened the second week of breakfast-show cover mocking the national rush to hold a barbecue as soon as the temperature reached 18C. Chris had spent Sunday cooking outside and described himself as sunburnt, while Scott insisted that hazy sunshine did not justify shorts and sandals.
His protest became harder to maintain when a neighbour’s barbecue smelled excellent. Listeners reported their own food and bike rides, leaving Scott increasingly isolated in his belief that people from genuinely warm countries would laugh at Britain’s response to a modest improvement in the weather.
Chris catches up with Coachella
Chris’s morning entertainment report centred on Coachella. R Kelly had appeared during Phoenix’s set, Nick Grimshaw had been photographed in Rita Ora’s dressing room and celebrities including Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Rita Ora and Hayley Williams had been spotted around the festival. One “herbal tea and Jacuzzi” update suggested what Chris called the more adult side of the weekend.
Other reported developments included Alan Titchmarsh and Taylor Swift riding Disneyland rollercoasters, Ryan Gosling supposedly asking Eva Mendes not to walk around their home naked and Jedward exchanging messages with Dannii Minogue. Chris admitted it had been a slow show-business weekend but remained confident that he was “across it”.
Film-themed Real or No Real
Scott, a 22-year-old listener who refuelled the Red Arrows, played a film edition against Chris. He had watched Skyfall in Afghanistan after Daniel Craig personally introduced a screening and answered questions, giving him considerably stronger cinema credentials than Chris.
The organisation in Men in Black had not originally been called Men in Blue before Will Smith changed the suits. Bradley Cooper really was reported to avoid carbohydrate-heavy sandwiches by cutting a grape in half and placing an almond inside, although everybody agreed that the result stretched the definition of a sandwich.
Christian Bale’s mother really had worked as a circus performer and his first kiss had been with an acrobat, making the listener’s faith in the Batman actor’s entertaining family background worthwhile. Gwyneth Paltrow had not used her Oscar acceptance speech to thank her plumber, and Anne Hathaway was not abandoning films for an urban album featuring Lil Wayne. The listener won by 40 points to Chris’s 30.
When Chris Stark met somebody: part two
One month after Chris’s Mila Kunis interview, Scott revisited its extraordinary spread around the world. Access Hollywood counted the number of times Chris had invited her out and called it “a gutsy move”, while television reports labelled him a rookie reporter, a whippersnapper and a seasoned radio host. A CNN panel held a serious discussion about the authenticity which had allowed a formulaic promotional interview to reveal something more natural.
Chris remembered little of sitting down for the conversation because nerves had made it a blur. He and Mila had connected when discussing beer and ordinary life, while her publicist tried to return them to Oz the Great and Powerful. The result had worked precisely because it had not followed the expected questions, even if Scott wished the carefully analysed effect had been planned.
Scott now had another Hollywood star available and wanted Chris to conduct a second interview. He again refused to reveal the name, but introduced a more elaborate preparation system: Chris would watch three films on consecutive days, with the mystery guest appearing in one of them. The interview would take place on Thursday.
The first assignment was Iron Man 3. That made Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow possible candidates, although Chris had not realised there had been an Iron Man 2. He remembered that Paltrow had a daughter named Apple, was married to Chris Martin and had appeared in Sliding Doors, but admitted he would not recognise her if she entered the room. He knew Downey played Iron Man yet struggled to separate actors from their characters or name much else about him.
Two further films would follow before the star was revealed. This time Chris would at least recognise the work, but Scott hoped that preserving the uncertainty would also preserve the spontaneity which had made the Mila Kunis encounter successful.
Hidden television: Married to Jonas
Scott gave Hannah another overlooked television assignment, Married to Jonas, following Kevin Jonas and his wife Danielle. She had been lukewarm about Storage Hunters but became instantly invested in a programme where almost nothing happened and tiny domestic decisions acquired enormous importance.
One dispute about using paper napkins ran across two episodes before Danielle used them without disaster. Floating candles then became trapped in the swimming-pool filter, creating a fresh crisis. Hannah compared the series with Keeping Up with the Kardashians: everyday events were stretched into drama, yet the viewer still wanted the next episode.
She also sympathised with Danielle as the Jonas family discussed when the couple should have a baby. Despite having barely known the Jonas Brothers before the assignment, Hannah gave the programme nine out of ten and said it would earn ten if it moved from its 4.30am slot to a civilised lunchtime. News of a second series confirmed her new addiction.
Scott buys a service bell
After waiting too long for drinks in a quiet pub, Scott and Chris had imagined carrying the type of bell once found on a hotel reception desk. Scott ordered one from the pub and was amazed when it arrived the next working day, despite the website warning that delivery could take a fortnight.
He planned to carry it into shops and bars, producing it only after a genuinely long wait and ringing for attention. Sara Cox warned that the sound reminded her of a frightening bell-based character in Breaking Bad, but Scott believed staff would instinctively respond before wondering where the previously nonexistent hotel bell had come from.
Handover
Sara joined Scott and Chris while preparing a feature about “dodgy balls” and music from Loveable Rogues. A short video promoting her show had accidentally become disturbing because her producer stood silently in the background with a fixed expression. Scott compared it with the moment a murderer was first glimpsed in a horror film, while Sara realised the supposedly cheerful clip now looked menacing.
She also supported Hannah’s enthusiasm for Married to Jonas and agreed that Kevin Jonas had grown into his appearance. The conversation drifted into people whose facial features occupied only a small area, prompting the idea of selling advertising across the remaining space on Sara’s forehead before she took over the station.
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