A final party at Television Centre
Scott had spent the previous night DJing at one of the last parties to be held at BBC Television Centre before its closure. The audience included staff from programmes and departments across the building, producing unusually specific dedications to Watchdog, Rogue Traders, Casualty and the BBC News team. News staff properly raved to the full 90-second version of their programme’s theme, while somebody from Rogue Traders was disappointed that Scott had brought no Beatles records.
BBC Weather asked for Mumford & Sons or anything weather-related, but Scott had neither in his DJ collection at the time. The request became more puzzling the following day, when Chris pointed out that B*Witched’s “Blame It on the Weatherman” should have been an obvious choice.
Scott had also tried to take a “Blue Assembly” sign as a souvenir but was stopped by somebody in a high-visibility jacket and reminded that it remained BBC property. Matt Edmondson later claimed that he had already removed a main-entrance sign and a toilet sign during his own final visit. The largely emptied building had begun to feel like a strange wasteland in which familiar signs and fittings were steadily disappearing.
The party also led to some strong late-night tweeting. At about 2.30am, Scott publicly invited Australian prime minister Julia Gillard onto the programme. He had become fascinated by her appearances on Ellen DeGeneres’s show and Australian radio, and wanted her to play Innuendo Bingo. Gillard had not replied by the following afternoon, despite Scott adding a particularly direct “Hello?” to his original request.
Danny Howard keeps the secret
The programme revived Loose Lips, using Danny Howard as the first test subject. Chris had called him in Miami the previous day and claimed that he was arranging a surprise party for Scott’s birthday. The invented guest list included Christopher Biggins, John Barrowman, Olly Murs and Duncan from Blue. Danny could not attend an evening event because he was DJing over Easter, but offered to join anything held during the day and promised not to tell Scott.
Scott then called Danny, who had flown back to London overnight, and said he suspected Chris was planning a party. Danny denied knowing anything. Scott increased the pressure by asking whether Duncan would be there and suggesting, without explaining why, that his attendance might create a problem. Danny still protected the secret, offering only to ask Chris about Duncan on Scott’s behalf.
The test ended when Danny arrived at Radio 1 in person. Scott confirmed that there was no real surprise party and no problem with Duncan, while Chris admitted that he did not know most of the supposed celebrity guests well enough to invite them. Danny received no prize beyond respect and an imaginary badge of trustworthiness. His success encouraged Scott to invite listeners to nominate friends who loved gossip for future Loose Lips tests.
Innuendo Bingo needs to calm down
After Nick Grimshaw and Nina Nesbitt’s games earlier in the week, Scott thought Innuendo Bingo had become too aggressive. Nick and Chris had eventually ignored the clips and simply spat water at one another, leaving Scott with wet clothes to dry and increasingly unpleasant bingo trousers. He wanted future guests to remember that the television and radio clips were supposed to remain the point of the feature.
The programme replayed several recent examples, including Jeremy Clarkson describing James May trying to block his powerful forward movement, Rick Stein discussing a pastry whose shape reminded him of Ben Nevis, beef lollipops tested on friends and family, and Joe Biden promising that the president had a big stick. Scott still encouraged listeners to watch Grimmy and Nina’s games online, even if the studio laundry had become an unwanted part of his job.
Listeners cry on demand
Chris had realised earlier in the week that he had almost never seen Scott cry. That led listeners to reveal how easily some of them could produce tears. Kitty had been perfecting her performance for 21 years and could move from a happy conversation into convincing sobbing almost instantly. She explained that altered breathing, a breaking voice and a hand placed over the mouth helped her get into character. The technique had often persuaded her strict mother to excuse her from chores, although her family now struggled to tell whether she was genuinely laughing or crying.
Alex used fake tears in a less successful attempt to meet women in pubs. He and his friends had previously tried pretending to faint beside groups of women, hoping concern would begin a conversation, but the stunt usually got them thrown out. Crying at the bar was their replacement strategy. It attracted sympathy and occasionally a chat, but had never produced the romantic ending they imagined.
Scott played the part of a woman at the bar while Alex demonstrated his approach. Alex quickly invented a story about his father losing his job, then admitted that any woman comforting him would probably be wondering who the strange crying man was. He nevertheless planned to test the technique again during a night out in Dundee, even though broadcasting it to Radio 1 had made the deception much easier to recognise.
Real or No Real with Matt Edmondson
Matt Edmondson joined Friday’s Real or No Real. More than 750 million Jaffa Cakes really were consumed during a calendar year, enough to form a line from London to Australia and back. Scott attempted to reason through the world’s population and the number in each packet before becoming trapped in what Matt called a mathematical cul-de-sac.
The original fountain at BBC Television Centre really had caused problems for staff because the noise of splashing water made people nearby need the toilet. Discussion of the fountain prompted more memories of the closing building and Scott’s failed attempt to take a sign. Gary Barlow did not gargle with gravy each night to preserve the northern warmth of his voice, despite Chris arguing that musicians often had unusual rituals and gravy might coat the throat.
Liam Payne really did have a fear of spoons. Matt wondered how the One Direction singer managed soup, cereal and ice cream, while Scott could remember seeing him eat with a knife and fork but not with a spoon. Directioners immediately confirmed the story by text. Scott and Matt finished level on 20 points.
The show closed with Scott beginning a two-week break and Huw Stephens taking over the slot for the following week. After a month dominated by the Mila Kunis interview, the end of 24 Years at the Tap End, toilet experiments and exceptionally wet Innuendo Bingo, Danny Howard’s successful attempt to keep a completely fictional secret provided March’s final result.
COMMENTS