Scott and Vanessa Feltz
Radio 1’s Red Nose Day challenge raised £261,877 for Comic Relief during a chaotic morning on Nick Grimshaw’s breakfast show. Scott remembered Kate Moss, Lily Allen eating cheese pizza and Josh Cuthbert from Union J struggling after the cinnamon challenge. His own assignment involved roller skates, a blindfold and an unexpectedly long kiss with Vanessa Feltz.
Scott initially wondered whether the mystery person might be Louis Smith, but detected perfume and eventually peeked through the blindfold. Once he recognised Vanessa, he carried on because listeners had donated for the challenge. Chris thought the kiss lasted considerably longer than required and found the close-up video more traumatic than Scott did.
The replay also showed Grimmy pushing Scott on the roller skates, causing him to fall before he reached Vanessa. Scott had previously failed an audition for Dancing on Ice and moved with an awkward thrusting action. Vanessa was dressed as a chef, adding another unexplained element to a scene already involving skates, a blindfold and early-morning kissing.
Afterwards, Vanessa asked how it had been for him, assured him that she had no “lurgies” and left. Scott thanked her for throwing herself into the fundraising, but decided he did not need to watch the video again.
Gemma Cairney returns to Innuendo Bingo
Gemma Cairney returned after joking that guests including Kimberly Wyatt and Mila Kunis had pushed her out of the show. She arrived wearing a PVC skirt for protection and immediately teased Chris about his sharper haircut, sparkling eyes and newly Hollywood appearance.
The game placed Scott and Gemma unusually close together. Escape to the Country bypassed the front door for a back entrance, the American Apprentice displayed a life-sized Kim Kardashian dangling from her ring and a Five Live guest said he spent most of his time in the bush.
Other clips included a Bargain Hunt presenter admiring a lovely knob, a MasterChef diner ready to dive in, Hayley Williams discussing a newsreader’s flop and Mr Selfridge being unable to buy for himself. BBC Radio Derby waited for a sausage while a fly went in and out of somebody’s legs, and a breakfast paper review described a man fingering shocking material.
Gemma’s waterproof outfit could not protect her face, and the cramped seating repeatedly sent water directly up her nose. Scott became increasingly unable to control himself and fell into an impression from Mr Selfridge. Gemma described the game as therapy and left soaked but pleased to be back.
The Pope and the man with the iPad
Scott had watched the ceremony introducing Pope Francis and become distracted from the historic moment by a man taking photographs with an iPad. He disliked seeing tablets held above crowds because their size made users look ridiculous and wondered whether the next step would be people photographing events with laptops.
Listeners had noticed the same man on different channels. Scott’s criticism became more awkward when somebody he knew revealed that the photographer was her sister’s friend. A member of the Radio 1 team had also used an iPad to photograph Grimmy sitting in a bath of mealworms during the morning’s fundraiser.
Dear Scott
The final Tap End had prompted one more Keen Line contribution, Keenanu Reeves, and a listener asked whether podcast users also said “rado” aloud with Chris. The team had already heard somebody shout it after reading “ready” on a photocopier, proving the pronunciation had escaped into the building.
One listener tried to secure a date with the Producer of Radio 1 by writing both his invitation and her accepting reply in the email, forcing her to read the answer aloud. She recognised the trick and rejected him despite his claimed dark hair, blue eyes and “top bants”.
Another message compared Billy Bush’s American laugh-talking with James Corden delivering a scripted joke at the Brit Awards. Scott again attempted the technique and concluded that laughing while reading was surprisingly difficult. He also agreed that his moody BBC profile photograph on a vintage sofa needed replacing.
Unlucky Gary had avoided major disasters but undermined a diet by drunkenly eating six Milky Way yoghurts before bed, roughly 1,200 calories. A former mystery shopper then encouraged the team to send Chris on an assignment, sometimes employees could be told “I’m the mystery shopper” at the end and watch the panic spread.
Grimmy’s hair turns pink
Grimmy’s promise to dye his hair pink for Comic Relief took several hours because it had to be bleached rather than sprayed. During the breakfast challenge, his scalp had also become filled with mealworms and their waste, which needed to be washed away before the colour could be completed.
The shade progressed from strawberry milkshake and Ellie Goulding towards Nicki Minaj pink. Tom Odell, Hayley Williams and other Radio 1 figures wandered through the studio to inspect it, while a listener in Oregon stayed awake waiting for the reveal. The permanent bleach meant the result would last far longer than the morning’s fundraising programme.
Grimmy also described the physical aftermath of the show. Mealworms had remained caught in his clothing, Leigh-Anne Pinnock from Little Mix had run away feeling sick and Josh from Union J had spent a long time trying to recover from swallowing cinnamon. The exhausted team agreed that the casualties had been worthwhile for the money raised.
Real or No Real with Greg James
Greg James joined for a round devoted entirely to Vanessa Feltz. She had not been forced to abandon a knitting addiction because her needles distracted radio callers. She really had published a book titled What Are These Strawberries Doing on My Nipples? I Need Them for the Fruit Salad in 1995.
Vanessa had not presented her television show with both legs in plaster, but she really had shared a childhood kiss with Radio 2 presenter Steve Wright while their families were on holiday. The revelation astonished everybody, particularly after Scott’s own experience that morning. The final claim that Vanessa currently had a cold sore was false, to Scott’s considerable relief.
Scott won with 40 points, while Greg and Chris each scored 30. The show ended with plans to send Chris out as an obvious mystery shopper the following day.
COMMENTS