Laura auditions to be P. Diddy’s new assistant on the Oprah Winfrey Show and doesn’t get the job, leading to a heated on-air debate about Scott’s actual salary and a genuinely bizarre discussion about redesigning the week with 28-hour days.
The show opens with a clip from Oprah where P. Diddy holds auditions for his PA role. Laura records her own cheeky audition tape (“I’m from old York”) competing against a lawyer named Heather who speaks about her professional experience and humility. Puff picks Heather, supposedly because of her articulate communication style—though the team mercilessly point out that Laura offered more “passion” and actually seemed better suited to the job. The sting in the tail: Diddy reveals he’s hiring four assistants total, leaving Laura with a glimmer of hope if she can contact his office in time.
This bleeds naturally into a running gag about Scott’s salary. When Laura tries to cheer herself up by asking how much Scott earns, various figures get thrown around (£586,000, £130,000, £230,000), none of which Scott will confirm. He insists it’s private, but the team argues that the show’s six million listeners have a right to know since they “contribute to his wage.” Scott gets increasingly flustered and red-faced, eventually snapping that discussing money is “disgusting.” Danny Howard winds up introducing himself as “worth £585,000 a year” just to wind him up further.
After a brief segment on Innuendo Bingo featuring *Autumn Watch* clips (beavers, sparrows, and presenters Kate Humble and Bill Oddie providing endless unintentional double entendres), Laura pitches a wild website idea: a six-day week with 28-hour days instead of 24, eliminating Mondays or Wednesdays entirely to give people more free time. The team debates this seriously for several minutes, worrying about darkness at 3 p.m., whether they’d get paid more for extra hours worked, and whether North Korea supposedly tried this already. It’s quintessential Mills Show: starting sensible, spiralling into absurdity.
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