A classic Mills prank catches someone claiming to be Vernon Kay’s brother, while a rejected date story spawns a full song about demanding reimbursement for dinner.
The show opens with a brilliant wind-up in which Scott’s team phones a man claiming to be Vernon Kay’s brother, posing as a committee member trying to book Vernon to switch on Christmas lights in Little Lever. The caller (calling himself Bob Chapman, manager of a local Pound Saver) builds an elaborate scenario asking about Vernon’s food and drink preferences, his wife Tess, and eventually pressuring the guy to confirm family details. The prank unravels when it becomes clear the man has lied about having three brothers—Vernon actually has just one—and the fake brother admits he’s been spotted at local pubs making similar false claims.
Later, Scott features the “Darren tapes,” a genuinely bizarre voicemail saga in which a man named Darren, after taking a date to a fancy restaurant in New York and being ghosted, leaves repeatedly escalating messages demanding she reimburse him for dinner. His refrain—”You ate the food, you drank the wine, do the right thing”—becomes so memorable that a listener sends in a full song parody recounting the whole incident. The show plays David Crout’s composition, which sets Darren’s voicemail rants to music.
There’s also a brief segment featuring the Big Brother house jingles task, with Scott joking about hiring the contestants as they leave the show, particularly praising one entry and suggesting Imogen could become a regular “hot topics” correspondent. The show also takes a call from Katrina, who’s driving from Glasgow to London for a Madonna concert after flights are cancelled, leading to Scott making a joking appeal to Madonna (supposedly listening in her dressing room) to delay her show start time—which Scott humorously claims she agrees to do.
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