The One That Doesn’t Speak — Scott’s producer — spoke to Unofficial Mills when the site first took off. Here’s what he had to say, er, write…
You don’t speak on the show, but you had much more involvement on air when working with Sara Cox. Why is this?
Ah, you remember when I was Omlyn — a nickname given to me by Coxy due to my fondness for egg-based breakfast dishes. I’m not a big fan of producers talking on air. The whole zoo format is done really well by Chris Moyles but Scott’s show is different. There are fewer on-air voices on purpose. And I really don’t think anyone would give a toss what I think about something!
What do you do as “producer” of the Mills show?
Good question. I’m in charge, basically. I decide what we’re going to do and how we’re going to do it. And I take the blame when it all goes wrong.
What’s your favourite kind of music?
Carly Simon, Joni Mitchell, Suzanne Vega, Colonel Abrams and early Joan Armatrading.
Chappers works very hard playing with the answerphone, using his acting skills to bust people, and nicking the sports news off Teletext. Do you think he works too hard?
He’s a workaholic. I’ve spoken to him about this on several occasions but he doesn’t listen to me. He’s here at an obscene time of the morning researching sports stories from all over the world. And he usually refuses to come for a beer after the show in case he might miss something that happens in the world of sport.
Where does your name originate from?
It’s a Welsh name — some of my family were off of Wales. Other Emlyns include Emlyn Hughes (off of football), Emlyn Williams (off of acting), and Newcastle Emlyn (off of Wales). I’m the only Emlyn that my friends and colleagues know, so — much like Madonna and Sting — I don’t actually need a surname.
If you could take the Mills team and show somewhere, where would it be?
The Chris Moyles Show did their narrowboat show recently, which is annoying because I think every producer would love to do their show from a canal. We could recreate scenes from that top David Essex sitcom The River. (Whhoooooo?????!!!!)
Have you been responsible for any disasters on air, or any funny stories to tell?
Not too many actual disasters. We managed to annoy a lot of people when we pretended to read out the ending to the new Harry Potter book — those fans take things very seriously. There was also the time on Zoe Ball’s show when one of the top Radio 1 bosses brought his young son in to see her, and Denise Van Outen — our guest — decided to flash them. That was interesting. Neil always takes the mickey out of me for making competition contestants come to the studio dressed as Fidel Castro. I still say it was groundbreaking and innovative.
The worst moment, though, was a competition on Dave Pearce’s show, which I was looking after while his producer was on holiday. Two people were fighting it out to go and see Faithless in Sweden — or somewhere like that. They had to answer as many Faithless questions as they could in a minute. The first contestant got zero. The second contestant also got zero. So we go to a tie-break. Dave starts reading out the lyrics to a Faithless track; as soon as they recognise it, they’re supposed to shout their name. Except neither of them had any idea what it was. Even when Dave read the line “I can’t get no sleep.” After about three minutes of reading out the lyrics to the most famous Faithless song in existence, with neither contestant getting it, we eventually had to toss a coin. That was the most excruciating bit of radio I’ve ever been involved in. Although there have probably been worse — I’ve just erased them from my mind during my therapy sessions.
As a producer you must do quite a lot of work with Laura. Does her laugh annoy you?
Laura was off sick for two days recently and it was so quiet. It’s not quite the same in the office without her burping, making staggeringly rude statements, and reading out people’s “erotic star signs” from a women’s sex magazine over her megaphone. She’s a lady.
Who’s the worst celebrity you’ve had to work with?
That’s a very good question. And one that, for legal reasons, I can’t answer.
What’s your favourite food and drink?
I’m a big fan of Perrier-Jouët Belle Époque champagne. Sadly I can’t afford it, so my drink of choice is very cold lager. Pilsner Urquell is good — did you know it’s the world’s first golden beer? The Czechs drink 160 litres per capita per year, and I can understand why. As for food, I’m very fond of curry. The Balaka in St Andrews is probably my favourite curry house, followed closely by the Parveen in London — Dido likes it there too — and the Shahnaz in Islington.
If you could swap jobs with one of the team, who would it be and why?
It certainly wouldn’t be Chappers — he works far too hard. It’d probably be Scott. He earns more than me and, frankly, I think I could probably do a better job. I mean, how hard can it be playing records and talking in between?
We’ve heard stories that you’re the better-looking male out of them all. Do you agree?
Modesty prevents me from answering that question. Sorry.
Do you ever argue with Scott?
In all honesty, no. Weirdly, we see eye to eye on a hell of a lot of things and seem to want to make the same kind of radio show — which is good. I wish I could give you a more exciting answer, but we all actually get on well. Apart from Neil and Chappers, who hate each other.
And finally — are you afraid of the dark?
No. Did you see the others on Most Haunted? What a bunch of wusses.