Wednesday admin: the entourage answer and Gemma’s night with Robbie
Scott opened with two pieces of follow-up from Tuesday. First, he’d been inundated by people who missed the entourage answer for Chris Hemsworth and Halle Berry. For the record: 20 people. Tina won the coffee. Second, for anyone who hadn’t caught Gemma’s call — the woman from the Take That documentary who’d shouted her number at Robbie Williams in 1993 — the full story was on Instagram at BBC Radio 2. Robbie heard about her on the show, got her tickets, and she ended up on stage with him in Wolverhampton after he’d finished singing Angels. “She couldn’t get tickets, then ends up on stage with Robbie because of Europe’s biggest breakfast show.”
Wrong coats and sniffing jumpers
A story about a customer accidentally trying on another shopper’s coat in a TK Maxx had been circulating for days. Scott brought it to the show. “You’d have to leave the country immediately, wouldn’t you?” One listener recalled putting someone else’s boots on after airport security and not noticing until they felt odd. Another remembered a teacher picking up a fallen coat from the floor, reading the label, and shouting “Dorothy Perkins, come and pick up your coat” across the classroom before realising where the label was from.
Tina flagged that Athena was always coming home from school in the wrong jumper or coat, even though everything was labelled. Scott asked how the kids even determine whose jumper is whose, and Tina said she’d heard they just sniff them. This was received with a degree of bewilderment. “What’s wrong with the name labels?”
Fake tan at 9pm
Scott arrived slightly patchy. Having watched back the video of Tuesday’s Gemma chat at around 9pm the night before — the danger zone, as he put it — he’d decided he looked washed out and applied fake tan without a mitt. “It’s all over my hands. Look at my fingers. Orange. Just patches of brown.” Tina noted she had similar issues when she did her roots. He moved on.
Paws for Thought: sparkling water at a burst pipe
Alan Sorensen called in from Scotland in what he described as disgustingly good form, sunlight just visible outside. His story: he’d been called to fix a burst pipe at a cottage, realised there’d be no running water, and stopped at a supermarket on the way. The regular still water was expensive. Beside it sat marked-down 2-litre bottles at around 10p. The catch was they were fizzy.
“Don’t try to make tea with fizzy water. It tastes disgusting.” He’d washed dishes in it, washed his face and hands, brushed his teeth, and eventually — against all advice — flushed the toilet with two litres of sparkling water. Everything technically got done, just not brilliantly. The theological point: most of what he does isn’t quite right either — as a husband, dad, minister, plumber — but it does the business, and God isn’t expecting model saints. “Be good to yourself if you feel a bit useless or worthless. Good enough. It’s good enough for God.”
Scott confirmed his husband Sam was currently trying to order sparkling water in restaurants to appear classier but couldn’t bring himself to drink it. “He wants to say it so much because he thinks it makes him look classier, but you can’t bring it.”
Sheila Diamond confirmed for Thursday
The Sheila Diamond story, which began in the mailbag on Monday with a letter from Donna recommending her as a legend of live entertainment in the clubs, hotels and bingo halls of the UK, had now generated a full-scale response. Mikey had been going to Blackpool to see her for years. Daryl had 250,000 views on his last Sheila Diamond TikTok. Alex at the Sheraton Hotel in Blackpool had written in to offer Scott a stay and a live Sheila experience, given she’s one of their regular performers.
Scott read Alex’s invitation aloud — “that would be some weekend, what a trip” — and confirmed that the team had been in touch. “Sheila Diamond is going to be on this show tomorrow.” He paused for effect. “The biggest stars on this show. This is just this week. Halle Berry. Chris Hemsworth. Margot Robbie. Sheila Diamond on tomorrow.” He added that she’d be joining remotely, not coming in, because people had already started guessing the size of her entourage.
Natalie Cassidy as Liam Gallagher in Celebrity Traitors
Rumours had been circulating about the next series of Celebrity Traitors. Names being mentioned: Ruth Jones, Danny Dyer, Cheryl, and — apparently — Liam Gallagher. Scott could not let this pass without exploring what that might look like, so he texted Natalie Cassidy (Sonia from EastEnders), who he described as the show’s resident Liam impersonator. She texted back: “Anything for you, darling.”
She’d gone upstairs to get her bucket hat, fully committed to the bit, and filmed a short video in her kitchen of Liam entering the Traitors castle. Scott played the audio. The voice, he acknowledged with diplomatic honesty, was “not quite there.” The visuals, however — the posture, the hat, the mannerisms — were apparently exact. He directed everyone to the BBC Radio 2 Instagram to watch it. “More Natalie Cassidy as Liam Gallagher on Instagram. That’s a normal sentence.” Scott’s personal contribution to the imaginary casting: “Imagine Liam doing the traitor’s walk and voting Noel off every night, even if he’s not in it.”
The quiz: sponge cake without sponge
Wednesday’s contestant was Carl from Quorn — a village he confirmed is spelled exactly like the vegetarian meat substitute. Carl hadn’t been able to smell for 15 to 20 years, following a sudden loss that two operations had failed to correct. Things he’d love to smell again: Indian food in an Indian restaurant. Upside: Glastonbury, no problem whatsoever. He had a large birthday coming up — Vegas and New York in August.
The quiz went well until: “Name any ingredient in a sponge cake.” Carl said sponge. The quiz buzzed him. Scott objected on his behalf — “you do find sponge in a sponge cake, the clue is in the name” — but the quiz held firm. The actual ingredients being eggs, sugar, flour, butter, oil, vanilla extract, baking powder and milk; all combined, the quiz insisted, making sponge rather than containing it as an ingredient. Carl took it graciously and finished on 18 points, which Scott called solid.
Shortly after, a Gwen Stefani remix appeared: the team had set “B-A-N-A-N-A-S” to a backing track, following the moment Scott had thanked Gwen Stefani mid-quiz for teaching him how to spell bananas. “Team, you’re the best.”
Myles Smith in studio — and Niall Horan on the phone
Myles Smith, whose song Stargazing had become one of the biggest tracks of recent years (“In panto in Swansea. Jill from Jack and Jill sung it. They were going up the beanstalk and it came on — they were back in the room”), joined Scott live in studio for his first appearance on Radio 2 Breakfast. He’d taught himself guitar and piano as a kid in Luton, gone to university and into the corporate world before quitting at 23. His mum, he said, had been waiting for that call. “She was like, ‘You know, I was just waiting for the day you said that.'”
He spoke about his friendship with Ed Sheeran — a genuine friend and mentor — and noted that Ed’s guidance isn’t only about music: “How to manage relationships with family and friends when you’re away for eight out of the 12 months a year.” On the laugh buried at the end of his song Gold: it was recorded at a moment when his co-writer Jesse was picking his toes in the corner of the studio mid-session. Other great song laughs: Duran Duran’s Hungry Like The Wolf, Thriller, a blink-and-you-miss-it moment in The Police, and Scott’s nomination for the most iconic laugh in a song ever — Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz. “I might win a Brit Award for best laugh.”
The new single is Drive Safe, made with Niall Horan. Scott asked if he had Niall’s number and they agreed to both text him simultaneously. Scott had three versions saved: Niall One, Niall New, Niall New New. Myles won the reply. They called him.
Niall joined from his home studio — “finishing off a couple of things” — and was immediately told off by Scott for calling him Scotty. Myles asked how he could achieve Scotty status. “About 15 years,” Niall confirmed. On the collaboration: Myles had been working on the song for around 18 months and messaged Niall out of the blue. They met, and Niall said he knew immediately the sense of humour was right. “An amazing writer and tells a great story.” On new music from Niall: “I’ll have new music soon. I’m not sure exactly when, but I’ll be in to see you.” He promised to come in when it’s ready.
Scott flagged that Niall had recently been spotted in the Cotswolds, making the Gloucester Standard. Headline: “One Direction heartthrob Niall Horan is the latest celeb to visit the Cotswolds.” Niall confirmed Stow-on-the-Wold had nice pubs. Scott offered Watford as an alternative.
Piano Room month: Mumford & Sons play Taylor Swift
Mumford & Sons had been in the Piano Room on Tuesday. Scott played their performance of Taylor Swift’s Cowboy Like Me, which contained a fact nobody in the studio had known: Marcus Mumford was originally a backing vocalist on the original track. “I never knew he was backer on that. No, me neither.” Scott accidentally called it the Live Lounge mid-broadcast and caught himself immediately. Wednesday’s Piano Room act was Alison Limerick. Tina’s question for Alison: “Where does love actually live?” Thursday: Mika, confirmed.
Winter Olympics: Lila and Lewis go for gold tonight
Scott had become mildly obsessed with the logistics of getting on and off ski slopes and had been watching videos of athletes penguin-walking and bum-shuffling across snowy terrain between events. He also brought up a figure skater who’d competed dressed as a Minion but hadn’t made it through to the free dance. “So sad when you put in all the effort.”
The main event of the day: Lila Fear and Lewis Gibson were fourth going into their free dance at 6.30pm on BBC Two. Their programme was a celebration of Scotland, including a medley featuring the Proclaimers’ 500 Miles, and they were skating in tartan-themed outfits. Lila had spoken about drawing inspiration from heritage: “I hope to give that also to the world.” Scott told the audience to watch. The K-pop Demon Hunters Golden, as performed in the style of a 1960s jazz standard by the Radio 2 team, was also floated as a potential Piano Room option for any artist who wanted to have a go.
Birthday game: Dan goes down in a blaze of glory
Dan from Solihull — “Sol” to locals — turned 41 while driving a van full of foam. He was pulled up in a layby for the call. A drummer in a covers band called Devoted to Rock (Queen, Killers, Bon Jovi, “the stuff that drunk people like to listen to on a Saturday evening”), he described himself as a metalhead and the wrong person for the birthday game, then committed anyway. Three spins landed on Edison Lighthouse’s Love Grows (1970), LMC vs U2’s Take Me to the Clouds Above (2004), and The Weeknd’s Blinding Lights (2020). He spun through the first two without hesitation, landed on Blinding Lights and said “fantastic, I’ll take it” despite immediately acknowledging it wasn’t really his thing either. “If you’re going down, you’re going down in a blaze of glory.” He was hoping to get away to the Peak District for his birthday, though the proximity to Valentine’s Day made booking anywhere painful.
The handover
Vernon arrived at 9.30 having slept, eaten, and deployed a heated blanket. He and Scott immediately fell into a detailed discussion about EastEnders access rights — who has the keys to which buildings at the BBC, whether Shane Richie actually runs Albert Square, what washing powder they’d need to bribe their way onto the lot, and what happened to the Dagmar wine bar. Vernon recalled it was called the Dagmar and was run by Wilmot Brown. Scott was unsettled by how quickly he’d retrieved this. “How is that still in my mind?”
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