“Morning Scott… I feel like I’ve been eating gravel all night.”
“Who buys ONE singular carrot? Who does that?”
“That’s just a noise I make for turkeys all the time.”

🛌 The Sleepiest Start to a Wednesday

Scott opened the show wanting to “hear your voice”—even if it was your first word of the day. And judging by the croaky voice notes, it absolutely was. There was Baggy the Caddy reporting, “I feel like I’ve been eating gravel all night,” and Alex in Brighton who sounded like he’d been unplugged and plugged back in again.

Scott loves being the first voice people speak to, so he was delighted when listeners admitted no one else had heard them yet—not even their dog in some cases.

🎙️ The Carrot, the Lorry & the Assault Course

Tina arrived shattered after a 10pm delivery of her partner’s Christmas shopping:

• “I heard a lorry reversing… I actually got up and went, ‘Sam, who is this?’”

• She walked downstairs at 4:30am, stepping over “tins of chocolate, Bucks Fizz, Twiglets… and one singular carrot.”

• Cue the nation asking the real questions: “Who buys ONE carrot?”

Listeners wrote in with theories: mistaken measurements, Black Friday chaos, a DIY snowman kit, and buying “the carrot holder.” Scott couldn’t cope.

Then came the domestic energy chat: Ellie’s journey bleeding her radiators. She shared:

• “Righty tighty, lefty loosey… but you have two lefts depending on which way you look at it.”

• She tightened her radiator so much she “nearly broke it,” only to discover the problem was simply the boiler temperature.

Scott now wants Ellie to fix his taps. She says she’ll bring the rad key.

🦭 Seal Cam Takes Over the Nation

Ellie proudly introduced her favourite new obsession: Seal Cam — a livestream from Blakeney Point showing seals during pupping season.

Scott imagined a channel where it was literally Seal, as in Kiss From a Rose, on a webcam all day. Sadly not.

Listeners became instantly hooked:

• Wendy thought she was watching a seal give birth.

• Ellie confirmed: “I’m just watching one rolling across the grass.”

Scott admitted: “Most of the time, nothing happens at all.” Did that stop anyone? Absolutely not.

📝 The Virtual Mailbag & the Briggs Family

Scott is very into letter-writing right now. He loved receiving a physical letter from the Briggs family, who posted him a radiator key after hearing Ellie’s heating catastrophe.

He wants more letters. Actual letters. But virtual ones are welcome too.

🦃 The Turkey Impressions & the Quiz Chaos

Today’s easiest quiz player, Craig, had Scott in bits. When asked:

“Which bird goes gobble gobble?”

Craig panicked completely.

Scott tried his best:
“Gobble gobble gobble!” (a questionable impression)

Craig countered with an astonishingly accurate turkey noise:
“Boop boop boop boop boop boop boop!”

Even the quiz producers said Craig’s turkey was “really good, really realistic.”

He scored… 3.
He has more children than quiz points.

🕺 Daniel’s Strictly Journey: The Floor Spin Drama

The nation’s favourite new storyline continues.

Daniel updated Scott on his progress for his office’s “Strictly” event:

• His dance partner Nauris (NOT Norris) added a floor spin to the routine.

• Daniel keeps “spinning too much” and “hurting his wrists.”

• He’s bought sparkly sheer shirts and Latin trousers.

• He’s so short they had to go “straight to the tailor.”

Scott warned him about one thing: Nipple daisies. And revealed he’s worn them on The One Show.

Daniel confessed everyone he knows is now sick of his dance videos.

Scott believes this is “the Strictly bubble” and it’s perfectly normal.

👠 Trevor Nelson’s Shoe-Size Mind-Reading Masterclass

A genuine show highlight.

Trevor came in early—EARLY—to demonstrate his secret skill:
He can guess your shoe size just by hearing your voice.

And he was incredible.

Caller Stacey

Trevor: “You’re a 38.”
Stacey: “I’m a 39.”
Trevor: “Never more than half a size out.”

Caller Becky

Trevor: “Casual wear, big hair, jeans-and-a-nice-top girl… you’re a 39.”
Becky: “I’m a comfortable six.”
Nailed it.

Studio Producer Richie

Trevor knew him already—but still flexed:
“You’re a 10.”
Correct.

Then… Ellie.

Trevor guessed a 39.
Ellie is a 40.
Trevor’s world collapsed.
“I came in early for THIS?”

🎶 Dawn French Discovers “Where the Hell Is My Husband?”

Dawn French posted a video of herself singing Ray’s viral hit “Where the Hell Is My Husband?” with delightfully improvised lyrics:

“I’d like a ring… on my shiny finger…”

Scott adores her attempt: “Almost…”

He played Ray’s original straight after.

🎄 Christmas Music Door Now Half Open

Scott played Bryan Adams’ new festive track California Christmas.
He insists he hasn’t “opened the Christmas songs gate”…
But also: “On Monday I’m switching on Christmas on Radio 2.”

Prepare yourselves.