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What sucks in your life?


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I really fancy some toffee but i dont have any...

I had to carry 2 huge tins of Roses chocolates home. I think there's some toffees in there. It's cruel really, my boss entrusted me with the chocolate, because she knows I can't eat it. Tomorrow I have to carry them all the way to Leicester.

I have to be up at 6am tomorrow because I have to somehow get to St Pancras for 8am but the bloody First Crapital Connect trains aren't running properly because the wankers don't employ enough staff so I'll have to attempt the tube.

'Forget happiness I'm fine, I'll forget everything in time'

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I'm utterly skint, as usual, have had three panic attacks cos of AC (and that isn't my boyfriend, hes still as lovely as ever) and my nan won't get off my back about how badly I'm reacting whenver I see him, not to mention the sheer amount of nagging about everything else. It's unbearable!

But not as unbareable as being alone at the flat. dratted place.

Nik B.

Born to Toads.

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Got paid £160 quid... have 10p :(

Mum is charging me £100 quid a month a rent when my normal pay is around £120

Had to pay my aunty back as she paid for my tickets for my shit weekend in cardiff :(

All gone :(

AND i am never gonna sleep with the force the rain is hitting my window.... so loud!

Kitty <3

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Everything's just pretty shit at the moment. Lot's of things. Came back from a short trip to Newbury last wednesday. Everyone down there has just got on with their lives and i'm still sat in my bedroom doing fuck all day in day out. I don't wanna use Anxiety as an excuse but it's literally stopping me from doing anything - including going to the doctors. I hate the thought of it, what people will think about me and the rest of it.

I'm just so fucking fed up of everything. The last year has been shit, and i've tried and tried and tried to just get on with things but i can't. Everytime it feels like i'm getting back to normal something pops up and knocks me right back down again.

I just feel like giving up sometimes. Been going through all this shite for 4 years now and i'm not getting anywhere.

>> I'm on here every now and again... <<

http://www.offthechartradio.co.uk

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Awww Mike that's really bad :( anxiety is disabling, it's horrible. I know it's hard but you need to try to get help for it and brave the doctors. There's no shame in feeling like that and you shouldn't feel like you're wasting the doctor's time or being pathetic.

Today I got a clear picture of what the problem is at work. The people I work with are like selfish young children who don't want to let anyone else near their toys. We had a 2 hour meeting about who would take on which work and despite my boss suggesting they get me to help with the huge piles of work they all have, they refused. My boss is lovely and wants to help me and so do some of the others but unfortunately the people I should be working most closely with refuse to even talk to me. I've been there 2 months and feel like I'm wasting my time and their money even being there. I'm trying to decide when to quit. Apparently the only time I'll have anything to do is over actual christmas, meaning I won't get to see the boyfriend or other friends, and for the next 2 weeks, I have to sit in the office doing fuck all all day.

'Forget happiness I'm fine, I'll forget everything in time'

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The "careers advisor" in my school just died today. She was very ill - she had cancer - and the choir I sing in were supposed to sing to her this afternoon at 3pm, because that was something she really wanted before she died.

Then at about 11am she died. The whole school were to be called together anyway because it's Christmas, and the others were told - and my choir and I sang the songs we should have sung for her. It was really sad - some of the other students in my year had even made a present for her, but she didn't get that.

The sun was shining, though, and one of the others said that it's because there's a new, wonderful angel in heaven now :) She was such a great person, always smiling and always there for us.

Il n'y a qu'un devoir, c'est d'être heureux; il ny'a qu'une vertu, c'est la justice -Denis Diderot

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Mike, when things are going badly, life can seem pretty harsh. I know very well how you feel at the moment, I was like it for at least 2 years, although a lot of people think it was more like 4. But at the end of the day, I found that I could get through, with help. It took all the strength I had left to make that first step, and that was to my GP. He sorted me out and now I'm getting back to some form of normal life. and I was a pretty extreme case, literally not leaving the house because of my anxieties. So I really suggest you get to the doctors, you'll be doing the best thing, and don't be afraid of what they'll say. Life turns out brighter eventually, don't worry about that [=

Nik B.

Born to Toads.

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A bit of humour to brighten your day............

A woman goes into a Glasgow butchers and asks for some Ayrshire bacon. The butcher explains he hasnt any but is expecting a delivery later that day. It turns cold in the afternoon and the butcher turns on the electric fire and stands, hands behind his back, in front of it. At this point the woman re-enters the shop and, seeing a package on top of the counter, asks "Is that your Ayrshire bacon?" The butcher replies "Nae, its just ma honds I'm warming"

I think you have to be Scottish to understand this fully.......... :D

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I got that joke too and I'm a Londoner.

I feel I've got enough things that suck in my life to fill a blog but I think it wouldn't make very fun reading for anyone so I shall suffice by summarising below what is wrong:

- I'm off work at the moment because of the anxiety and depression. Being off work because of depression is making me feel more hopeless and depressed.

- I spend most of my time either crying or trying to suppress the crying.

- I've told my boss I'm not going to continue beyond the end of January. I don't know how to tell my parents this. I haven't told them I'm on sick leave at the moment, I told them it's holiday leave.

- I don't feel capable of holding down a job so I don't know how I'm going to get through life.

- My boyfriend is dropping out of uni, for the second time. He's in third year. I don't know what he's going to do or how he's going to cope. It's really not an easy time to find a job and it's especially hard trying to find a job when you've wasted 3 and a half years on uni courses you've not bothered completing.

I feel like I've failed and I don't feel like things will ever really be ok again.

'Forget happiness I'm fine, I'll forget everything in time'

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You don't strike me as any kind of failure: very bright, insightful and intelligent in fact.

Maybe some counselling would help, to find out the underlying reasons why you're so anxious.

I've seen plenty of idiots in good jobs... so I'm sure you're more than capable of being employed... it can't be easy anyway working somewhere where you're getting the silent treatment. That says more about your colleagues than you!!!

Delta Machine, Depeche Mode - buy NOW !!

http://youtu.be/59dZzXLPRg0

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sent smilies on MSN to Nottingham Boy for two weeks to try and get him to talk to me again, all for nothing it seems. Bollocks.

I know some of the things I get upset about are a little bit silly, but seriously, this is the way I think. And I HATE failure.

Nik B.

Born to Toads.

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