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Unofficial Mills

01/03/2007 - Thursday


frannyg

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Fraser, the err…. comedian

Fraser, Scott’s flatmate and comedian-in-waiting, is three days into his quest to heal the world through the power of laughter by the end of the week. The only problem being is that there hasn’t probably been much healing so far. Last night saw Fraser’s third appearance in as many nights at the Comedy Café in East London sporting a suit belonging to none other than esteemed comedy pro, Lenny Henry. Did it bring him the luck that Fraser, according to Scott, so desperately needed?

Along with the suit, Scott had thrown into the frame an electric shock collar (apparently a training aid for the nosier members of the canine population, not something from the S&M underworld). The idea being that Fraser would wear said collar during his performance and Scott could deliver his beloved flatmate a short sharp shock if laughter was shortcoming. That’s true love for you, we think. Only the club management said no, the collar was ‘barbaric’, and Fraser would have to rely on his wit and banter to entertain his audience.

Scott had invited Mock the Week’s Russell Howard on to the show to review Fraser’s performance and offer any tips for his last shot at comedy stand-up, set for Friday night.

Scott - the news anchorman

Sparked off by the news that Charlotte Church and Gavin Henson are expecting their first baby, Scott wants a big news wall, à la Sky News, in the studio. We’re not sure what the graphic for this story would actually look like, but hey, he’s got all the sound effects of a bustling newsroom down to a tee, and Chappers is up for doing the weather. Which is probably more than Sky’s incumbent weatherman, Francis Wilson, who seems to have lost interest in his metier, forecasting ‘weather’ in the north and a bit more ‘weather’ in the east. Which is helpful.

And it’s over to Russell….

So, back to Russell, comedy maestro. Watching back the beginning of the gig at the Comedy Café, he reckoned Fraser looks a little swamped in Lenny’s suit (not really having height on his side), looking more like ‘a big gay fish’. Not the best start, maybe, but Fraser seemed undeterred. His opening gambit was a play on his youthful looks, but which proceeded into slightly dodgy territory, ending him sounding a bit like a sex offender. Ooops. The rest of the routine was too blue to be aired on daytime radio and needless to say, Fraser didn’t last long.

Russell added that the best heckle he’d ever seen was at the Ashton Court festival, where fellow stand-up Rob was actually urinated on mid-gig. Scott really hopes that this doesn’t happen to Fraser.

Breaking News….

In his new role as news anchorman, Scott reported that fellow Radio 1 DJ Mary Anne Hobbs had been injured in an Aikido accident. Thinking that Aikido might be a bit similar to Feng Shui, both him and Chappers hoped that Mary Anne hadn’t been over-zealous in moving her sofa around the flat in order to maximise its energy potential. Both of them realised that they’d been possibly a little flippant and unsympathetic on receiving texts from Radio 1 listeners informing them that Aikido is actually a powerful and skilful martial art, and standing corrected they wished Mary Anne a speedy recovery.

And it’s back to BBC3’s Wedding Stories…

It’s the team’s favourite TV show, and there’s just one episode left. Rumour has it that, to their horror, there isn’t going to be a second series, so watch this space for an all-out Mills campaign to get Series Two in to production.

We’re with ex-girl band member Christine and carpet fitter Seylan as they finalise the last details of their forthcoming nuptials. Above all, they ‘don’t want anything too tacky’. Hmmmm. The cake is set to have nine tiers, all covered in diamonds (edible, we hope) and draped in oodles of fairy lights. So not tacky then. And as for the reception, think Christine reclining on a pink Royals Royce, a goods lift and a dramatic entrance….. So really not tacky at all. Really.

Richard and Laura, as committed Christians, have both saved themselves for their wedding night. We’re with Laura as she’s buying her lingerie for this very special time but it’s her choice of shopping partner – her mum – that’s a little perturbing. The team aren’t sure that mums should be privy to such intimate details. On having herself measured, and finding that she’s an E cup, Laura finds that she’s ‘crossed the line to (having) enormous breasts’. Laura from the show, however, is having none of it. A G cup herself, Laura reckons she knows nothing!

Finally – it’s the NME Awards

Jo Whiley’s reporting from the venue about the awards later this evening. And she’s wearing no knickers! Hurrah! We’re loving Jo. With Jo and Edith on site, Radio 1 will have all the news and back stage gossip tomorrow.

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